So today I have my first exam.
It's the first of the two resits I'm taking, today's being the Drama written exam. I thought I'd done well on it last time seeing as I hadn't been in college for 6months, but apparently not, as I got an E for the written bit which, thanks to my 79/80 A grade on the practical bit, was bumped overall down to a C. At the time I was distraught, but now I can see that even sitting the exam was an achievement in itself, and the C isn't the worst thing in the world.
I agreed to have another crack at it, and so I am. Today. I'm not feeling too confident about it, mainly because the bulk of revision I have been able to do has been for me English Literature exam, which is much more important to me. However, if I can pull off a slight grade raise I might be able to get my overall AS grade for Drama up to a B, but we'll just have to see.
The main source of my stress is more that it's Friday.
Which means tomorrow is Saturday. Which means I'm driving to London.
Which means it's nearly Monday. Which means my sister is coming home.
Which means it's nearly Wednesday. Which is when we're planning telling her all the amazing (read: shit) stuff that's happened while she's been away.
Any of you who have been following me for a fair while will know of this predicament. My sister went to Australia to study for her PHD, and while she was away, shit happened. I made the choice not to tell her, because I knew if we told her she'd be on the first plane home, and I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't ruin her opportunity like that.
So when she comes home, we have to tell her.
So obviously right now I'm an utter bag of nerves.
The plus side is that by being Friday today, it means the iPad will be here in a week XD but then so will my politics resit :/
Ah well. Smile :)
H.x
Showing posts with label driving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label driving. Show all posts
Friday, 21 May 2010
Sunday, 4 April 2010
Tomorrow.
Sofa shopping at DFS, apparently. Our sofa's are shit. They've basically broken so they are so uncomfortable to sit in. And don't get me started on the armchairs.
Then after that, weather permitting, dad and I will finally get to go Woodbury Common and spend some time trying out our new camera's. Then I'll come home and see what my (hopefully) decent photos look like on the Macbook Pro :)
I'm sure there was something else I was going to do tomorrow that was marginally exciting, but can't for the life of me remember what now. Hmm. My brother is coming round for lunch... I doubt that was it :P Ah well. Shit happens.
Friday, 22 January 2010
Journal.
So as you'll well know by now, I've been on the search for the perfect bag, travel journal, and pen for the trip to Oz...yes I know it's in 6 months time but haven't you ever heard of forward planning?
Now, as far as the bag goes, I may have made progress! It turns out there is a leather maker in my very city, not 10 minutes away, who's online catalogue does have some bags in similar styles to the Saddleback Leather Briefcase, and considerably cheaper. He also apparently does do custom made bags, whether its just tweaking one of his existing bags or trying to make one to order. You can check out the link here. I've just been down there this afternoon, drove me and my dad and didnt kill either of us, but unfortunately his workshop was closed. Apparently he doesnt work weekends so I'm going to try going back in on Tuesday I think. I've got plenty of print outs and drawings and sketches of what I want, so I'm hoping he can help me out. In terms of price, the SBL bag was about £350 + P&P from America; this guys bags are about £115. Brilliant :)
As for the travel journal and pen, well...I'm very happy :)
Originally I thought the Midori Travel Journal was on the button, but after closer inspection I'm thinking not. It's not the right shape, too tall and while the refill system is very cool, its not what I'm looking for specifically for Australia.
Now some of you might know I'm a fan of the Moleskine notebooks, and have about 5 waiting for me, but again as with the Midori, I dont think they'll be as suited for what I have in mind for Australia. For starters, I'm looking for something softback, and I've already got hardback ones and dont fancy shelling out for a Softback Moleskine when I'm pretty sure its not right. Secondly, from what I've read online, I'm not sure how well it will lie flat.
I've also been looking at the Cartesio but think its a bit too Moleskine-ish for my requirements. Basically I've been reading through the Black Cover notepad review blog for inspiration, so take a look.
Then after much perusing, I discovered the Ciak. The review is promising, and I have found a site that sells them here, even 3 for 2! AND even more excitingly (cough) they actually do a specific travel journal, though its only in the medium size and part of me is leaning more towards the large. But the EXTRA special good news is that I suddenly remembered while reading some comments, that Paperchase at least used to have that very notebook. So after college yesterday I popped in, and they had ONE, single, solitary, lonely Ciak Travel Journal in red! It was perfect! It was the sample they'd had, and while the rest of the travel journals had sold, no one wanted the bashed sample one. I was the opposite! I'd been looking at the red one anyway, so I had to ask how much they'd knock off considering it was the only one left and the sample at that. Originally, the manager said she could give me 10% off... from £10.50. I was hesitant. She then offered me 15% off. And then, out of nowhere, while we were just talking and she was seeing if there were any other notebooks that were suited to what I wanted, she just said "Oh you know what, I'll give it to you for half price. It's been sitting there on its own for ages and no one else wants it, and you do, so I'll give you half price." Brilliant. £5.50 in the end, means I got the medium Ciak Travel Journal for less than they were selling the pocket version! And I couldn't be happier it with it. It's got the standard first page for information, but with more travel-specific details such as Passport Number and Drivers License. Then there's an itinerary page, and a world map, which is perfect for me because I can draw in the flight paths we take :)
As you can see from these pictures, one great thing about it is that the elastic band is horizontal, not vertical like the Moleskine, which is perfect for holding a pen and keeping loose papers and such like inside. Its also slightly bigger than the pocket Moleskines I'm used to, yet still a really nice size to hold. It really does feel nice in my hand :) the soft faut-leather cover is smooth and supple with enough flexibility.
As for the pen, well its there in the pictures. After we went to Paperchase, dad needed to go to the LCE for some new binoculars (£300 but he gets a free pair of compact ones worth £150?!?! Mine!), and then I persuaded him to let us go in Rymans. I spent about 10 minutes trying pens before I found the Uni-Ball Jetstream SX-210 1.0 pen, also known now by me as the perfect pen.
It's gorgeous. The barrel shape is brilliant and the pen feels evenly weighted when you write with it. The only flaws are that the rubber grip is probably not rubbery enough, and there's a plastic ridge right where I hold it, but nothing major. It really is ridiculously comfortable to write with, and this coming from someone who hasnt had to hand write anything much for months, so anytime I do my hand aches after about 2 minutes. But not with this pen. The ink is a very dark black, not like some of these 'black' pens that come out grey, and you dont have to apply much pressure to get an even line. I think its technically a rollerball, but it looks and feels more like a gel ink to write with, its that smooth and flowing. Apparently the ink is meant to me fade resistant and waterproof too.
All in all, after a good days driving today too, despite HTLeather not being open, I'm feeling rather contented today. Some of the things I'm selling are in the paper now and I'm hoping we do get some interest, as I need the money.
So yes, happy. Cold, very very cold, but happy.
And to top it all off, I'm going to see Jon Richardson and Shappi Khorsandi at the Exeter Northcott tonight!!!
H.x
EDIT: Another advantage of the Uni Ball SX-210's likeness to a gel ink is that it gives you the smoothness and darkness of a gel ink, with the durability of a biro/ballpoint eg it wont bleed through paper at all!
Now, as far as the bag goes, I may have made progress! It turns out there is a leather maker in my very city, not 10 minutes away, who's online catalogue does have some bags in similar styles to the Saddleback Leather Briefcase, and considerably cheaper. He also apparently does do custom made bags, whether its just tweaking one of his existing bags or trying to make one to order. You can check out the link here. I've just been down there this afternoon, drove me and my dad and didnt kill either of us, but unfortunately his workshop was closed. Apparently he doesnt work weekends so I'm going to try going back in on Tuesday I think. I've got plenty of print outs and drawings and sketches of what I want, so I'm hoping he can help me out. In terms of price, the SBL bag was about £350 + P&P from America; this guys bags are about £115. Brilliant :)
As for the travel journal and pen, well...I'm very happy :)
Originally I thought the Midori Travel Journal was on the button, but after closer inspection I'm thinking not. It's not the right shape, too tall and while the refill system is very cool, its not what I'm looking for specifically for Australia.
Now some of you might know I'm a fan of the Moleskine notebooks, and have about 5 waiting for me, but again as with the Midori, I dont think they'll be as suited for what I have in mind for Australia. For starters, I'm looking for something softback, and I've already got hardback ones and dont fancy shelling out for a Softback Moleskine when I'm pretty sure its not right. Secondly, from what I've read online, I'm not sure how well it will lie flat.
I've also been looking at the Cartesio but think its a bit too Moleskine-ish for my requirements. Basically I've been reading through the Black Cover notepad review blog for inspiration, so take a look.
Then after much perusing, I discovered the Ciak. The review is promising, and I have found a site that sells them here, even 3 for 2! AND even more excitingly (cough) they actually do a specific travel journal, though its only in the medium size and part of me is leaning more towards the large. But the EXTRA special good news is that I suddenly remembered while reading some comments, that Paperchase at least used to have that very notebook. So after college yesterday I popped in, and they had ONE, single, solitary, lonely Ciak Travel Journal in red! It was perfect! It was the sample they'd had, and while the rest of the travel journals had sold, no one wanted the bashed sample one. I was the opposite! I'd been looking at the red one anyway, so I had to ask how much they'd knock off considering it was the only one left and the sample at that. Originally, the manager said she could give me 10% off... from £10.50. I was hesitant. She then offered me 15% off. And then, out of nowhere, while we were just talking and she was seeing if there were any other notebooks that were suited to what I wanted, she just said "Oh you know what, I'll give it to you for half price. It's been sitting there on its own for ages and no one else wants it, and you do, so I'll give you half price." Brilliant. £5.50 in the end, means I got the medium Ciak Travel Journal for less than they were selling the pocket version! And I couldn't be happier it with it. It's got the standard first page for information, but with more travel-specific details such as Passport Number and Drivers License. Then there's an itinerary page, and a world map, which is perfect for me because I can draw in the flight paths we take :)
As you can see from these pictures, one great thing about it is that the elastic band is horizontal, not vertical like the Moleskine, which is perfect for holding a pen and keeping loose papers and such like inside. Its also slightly bigger than the pocket Moleskines I'm used to, yet still a really nice size to hold. It really does feel nice in my hand :) the soft faut-leather cover is smooth and supple with enough flexibility.
As for the pen, well its there in the pictures. After we went to Paperchase, dad needed to go to the LCE for some new binoculars (£300 but he gets a free pair of compact ones worth £150?!?! Mine!), and then I persuaded him to let us go in Rymans. I spent about 10 minutes trying pens before I found the Uni-Ball Jetstream SX-210 1.0 pen, also known now by me as the perfect pen.
It's gorgeous. The barrel shape is brilliant and the pen feels evenly weighted when you write with it. The only flaws are that the rubber grip is probably not rubbery enough, and there's a plastic ridge right where I hold it, but nothing major. It really is ridiculously comfortable to write with, and this coming from someone who hasnt had to hand write anything much for months, so anytime I do my hand aches after about 2 minutes. But not with this pen. The ink is a very dark black, not like some of these 'black' pens that come out grey, and you dont have to apply much pressure to get an even line. I think its technically a rollerball, but it looks and feels more like a gel ink to write with, its that smooth and flowing. Apparently the ink is meant to me fade resistant and waterproof too.
All in all, after a good days driving today too, despite HTLeather not being open, I'm feeling rather contented today. Some of the things I'm selling are in the paper now and I'm hoping we do get some interest, as I need the money.
So yes, happy. Cold, very very cold, but happy.
And to top it all off, I'm going to see Jon Richardson and Shappi Khorsandi at the Exeter Northcott tonight!!!
H.x
EDIT: Another advantage of the Uni Ball SX-210's likeness to a gel ink is that it gives you the smoothness and darkness of a gel ink, with the durability of a biro/ballpoint eg it wont bleed through paper at all!
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Plans.
So now I have plans.
After 3 hours in a cafe with my mother, I have plans.
I have plans and a more regimented time table, if you will, in which to do things.
I have goals, and aims. Clear ones.
They
First off: Weight.
I need to start losing on average between 5-7lbs every week for the next 20 weeks for me to feel happy and comfortable, to get back down to my happiest weight.
We're going to plan weekly menus that I will stick to, as well as a slow-but-steadily-increasing exercise plan. I'm starting with 10-15mins every day on our cool little stepper machine thing, (not just a step) then working my way to more time on it per day, as well as weekly badminton with the parent again.
Secondly: Money.
Basically I have a fair sized list of things I want to get/take with me to Australia, as you've seen, and in order to do that, I need money. As I said in my last post, I do have some things I can sell; 2 guitars (NOT my baby though, my electro-acoustic), a keyboard, CD's, a huge box of PC software worth £200 upwards from my uncle (long story - not stolen or pirated though, the real deal) and my old camcorder. But I cant rely on selling things as a source of income, so I need a job. Mum and I worked out that, on the basis of my old job (though obviously anything I earn will be dependant on whatever shifts are available in a new job), if I work 3x a 3hr shift a week (could easily do more) for the next 20 weeks, I can earn £900. Which is for me, a starting point, an aim in terms of income.
Thirdly: College.
In the next 6 months I will have to sit 3 exams, 2 of which are resits. I have a lot of revision to do. For English Literature, I have an essay to write, as well as poetry and drama text revision to do for the exam. As I started a lot of that when I was actually at college full time, I have a lot of notes to draw from.
Politics and Drama are a slightly different matter though as I wasnt at college when the work was being done in preparation for the exams. The politics exam though basically require me to read through the text book, and I have a friend who did the AS last year too that I will soon be asking if she has any notes or practice exam questions etc, especially ones she got marked and did well on so I know what I'm supposed to be doing.
The drama exam is going to be slightly more difficult to prepare for, as I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Again, I will be calling on the assistance of two friends who were in my tutor group to ask them for any notes and exemplar essays they have from last year.
Once I have assembled as much help as possible, the leg work is down to me.
In general, what I need is structure. I need something more regimented to help me get back control of my life, something I've simply not had for the last year. We're planning a weekly menu each week (starting Wednesdays, our 'weigh day') and sticking to it in the form of a laminated sheet on the fridge, and I have a daily plan of activities on another laminate sheet on the fridge too. This all means I have much more structure to my days :)
So yes, this means good news I'm hoping :)
H.x
After 3 hours in a cafe with my mother, I have plans.
I have plans and a more regimented time table, if you will, in which to do things.
I have goals, and aims. Clear ones.
They
First off: Weight.
I need to start losing on average between 5-7lbs every week for the next 20 weeks for me to feel happy and comfortable, to get back down to my happiest weight.
We're going to plan weekly menus that I will stick to, as well as a slow-but-steadily-increasing exercise plan. I'm starting with 10-15mins every day on our cool little stepper machine thing, (not just a step) then working my way to more time on it per day, as well as weekly badminton with the parent again.
Secondly: Money.
Basically I have a fair sized list of things I want to get/take with me to Australia, as you've seen, and in order to do that, I need money. As I said in my last post, I do have some things I can sell; 2 guitars (NOT my baby though, my electro-acoustic), a keyboard, CD's, a huge box of PC software worth £200 upwards from my uncle (long story - not stolen or pirated though, the real deal) and my old camcorder. But I cant rely on selling things as a source of income, so I need a job. Mum and I worked out that, on the basis of my old job (though obviously anything I earn will be dependant on whatever shifts are available in a new job), if I work 3x a 3hr shift a week (could easily do more) for the next 20 weeks, I can earn £900. Which is for me, a starting point, an aim in terms of income.
Thirdly: College.
In the next 6 months I will have to sit 3 exams, 2 of which are resits. I have a lot of revision to do. For English Literature, I have an essay to write, as well as poetry and drama text revision to do for the exam. As I started a lot of that when I was actually at college full time, I have a lot of notes to draw from.
Politics and Drama are a slightly different matter though as I wasnt at college when the work was being done in preparation for the exams. The politics exam though basically require me to read through the text book, and I have a friend who did the AS last year too that I will soon be asking if she has any notes or practice exam questions etc, especially ones she got marked and did well on so I know what I'm supposed to be doing.
The drama exam is going to be slightly more difficult to prepare for, as I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Again, I will be calling on the assistance of two friends who were in my tutor group to ask them for any notes and exemplar essays they have from last year.
Once I have assembled as much help as possible, the leg work is down to me.
In general, what I need is structure. I need something more regimented to help me get back control of my life, something I've simply not had for the last year. We're planning a weekly menu each week (starting Wednesdays, our 'weigh day') and sticking to it in the form of a laminated sheet on the fridge, and I have a daily plan of activities on another laminate sheet on the fridge too. This all means I have much more structure to my days :)
So yes, this means good news I'm hoping :)
H.x
Sunday, 17 January 2010
Off to see the wizard...
Been out today in the ole' wagon :)
Did I mention I've passed my driving test?
It went pretty well so I'm pleased, although I cannot possibly imagine driving on my own just yet...the thought terrifies me if I'm honest! But I'm sure I'll steel myself and manage to at some point.
Decided to change the blog theme, no idea why really, just felt like a change.
In other news, still feeling a bit under the weather. Been feeling a bit rough for the last 3-4 weeks, and the other night I was up shivering like a vibrating thing (behave), coughing and spluttering and trying not to be sick, and I'm still getting over that now.
It's annoying that I'm a bit ill AGAIN, but what can you do?
The diet starts properly this week. I wont lie, some of you reading this and who know me on twitter might possibly have an image of you in your mind; it'll be wrong. I dont really like talking about my body because I'm not exactly proud of said body, but the next few months I'm going to be getting myself to the gym a bit more (something I HATE), eating more wisely, and the parents and I are going to resurrect our weekly badminton hour.
Why? Well, aside from the fact I need to because I dont like my body, I need to because I'm going to Australia in 6 months!
That's right, after 3 hours in a travel agent yesterday, we have indeed booked flights and stuff for our trip to Australia in July. My sister moved out to Oz about a year and a half ago to do her PHD so we're going out to visit her and see a bit of the country. I say a bit of the country, look at this map to get an idea of just how big Oz is; IMAGE Anyway, so we've booked our flights out there, some of the internal flights, our trip on the Ghan and flights home. We fly out to Sydney, then fly to Melbourne, then drive up to Adelaide, take the Ghan train to Alice Springs, then fly to Perth, and home via Singapore. My sister will probably join up with us in Adelaide, and when we're out in Perth her and I are going to rent a camper and go off for a few days.
I'm already dead excited, even though its so long away, but also nervous. We'll be away for 7 weeks, and none of us have ever been away for that long. I'm gonna miss my baby bunnies!!!! I'll come home and they'll have forgotten who I am!
We've by no means booked up everything; the only confirmed accomodation is in Alice Springs, and theres still some internal flights and car hire stuff to sort out, not to mention travel insurance, money to take with us etc etc, but I dont care; IM EXCTIED! :D
Not much else going on in this Finch's tree, sooner or later I'll get round to doing some more college work and playing on Assassin's Creed 2, when I can put down any of the gazillion books I'm reading.
Beep beep!
H.x
Did I mention I've passed my driving test?
It went pretty well so I'm pleased, although I cannot possibly imagine driving on my own just yet...the thought terrifies me if I'm honest! But I'm sure I'll steel myself and manage to at some point.
Decided to change the blog theme, no idea why really, just felt like a change.
In other news, still feeling a bit under the weather. Been feeling a bit rough for the last 3-4 weeks, and the other night I was up shivering like a vibrating thing (behave), coughing and spluttering and trying not to be sick, and I'm still getting over that now.
It's annoying that I'm a bit ill AGAIN, but what can you do?
The diet starts properly this week. I wont lie, some of you reading this and who know me on twitter might possibly have an image of you in your mind; it'll be wrong. I dont really like talking about my body because I'm not exactly proud of said body, but the next few months I'm going to be getting myself to the gym a bit more (something I HATE), eating more wisely, and the parents and I are going to resurrect our weekly badminton hour.
Why? Well, aside from the fact I need to because I dont like my body, I need to because I'm going to Australia in 6 months!
That's right, after 3 hours in a travel agent yesterday, we have indeed booked flights and stuff for our trip to Australia in July. My sister moved out to Oz about a year and a half ago to do her PHD so we're going out to visit her and see a bit of the country. I say a bit of the country, look at this map to get an idea of just how big Oz is; IMAGE Anyway, so we've booked our flights out there, some of the internal flights, our trip on the Ghan and flights home. We fly out to Sydney, then fly to Melbourne, then drive up to Adelaide, take the Ghan train to Alice Springs, then fly to Perth, and home via Singapore. My sister will probably join up with us in Adelaide, and when we're out in Perth her and I are going to rent a camper and go off for a few days.
I'm already dead excited, even though its so long away, but also nervous. We'll be away for 7 weeks, and none of us have ever been away for that long. I'm gonna miss my baby bunnies!!!! I'll come home and they'll have forgotten who I am!
We've by no means booked up everything; the only confirmed accomodation is in Alice Springs, and theres still some internal flights and car hire stuff to sort out, not to mention travel insurance, money to take with us etc etc, but I dont care; IM EXCTIED! :D
Not much else going on in this Finch's tree, sooner or later I'll get round to doing some more college work and playing on Assassin's Creed 2, when I can put down any of the gazillion books I'm reading.
Beep beep!
H.x
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Happy New year!
I've just realised I haven't made a new years post yet, so Happy New year everyone!
As you will know, I went away this NY to Looe in Cornwall with mum and dad, for a few days away. I have to say, I did enjoy myself. The cottage was lovely, and on new years night, we had a few drinks, watched a bit of Jools Holland, and then wrapped up warm to go stand outside with a drink to toast and watch the fire works.
We all got a little emotional I think, finally saying goodbye to 2009 and hoping 2010 treats us kinder. I know I did.
Other than that, I have been very, VERY happy recently. The reason? I FINALLY PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!!!!! :D Yes, finally, I dont know whether its third time lucky or new year lucky or both, but it happened :) I can finally cut up my L plates. Although not just yet actually. Because of the snow. Now I love snow and am very happy that Exeter has finally got it, seeing as for the last few weeks I've had to sit and watch the news and listen to people on twitter moaning/rejoicing about the snow in equal measure while I've been wishing for it, I dont really have any desire to drive in it just yet. Besides, I couldnt if I wanted to, as my doors are frozen shut, and the locks are buggered with it. Yay. So now I'm waiting for the temperature to warm up a bit so I can get into my car, and then I'll think about driving it. On my own. Oh god.
Other than that, things are definately good. I am LOVING Assassin's Creed II on the Xbox, and all my other games (not that I've played many of them since I got AC2).
I'm now on book 10, Crossroads of Twilight, of the Wheel of Time series, and I'm loving that too. Robert Jordan was a literary marvel, and I've only got a few more of his books left to read 'for the first time' as I have no doubt I'll be reading this series again. I've heard that Brandon Sanderson has indeed done a good job of book 12, and I cant wait to get there!
Anyway, I'm off to play more AC2 now, but happy new year and love to you all!
H.x
As you will know, I went away this NY to Looe in Cornwall with mum and dad, for a few days away. I have to say, I did enjoy myself. The cottage was lovely, and on new years night, we had a few drinks, watched a bit of Jools Holland, and then wrapped up warm to go stand outside with a drink to toast and watch the fire works.
We all got a little emotional I think, finally saying goodbye to 2009 and hoping 2010 treats us kinder. I know I did.
Other than that, I have been very, VERY happy recently. The reason? I FINALLY PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!!!!! :D Yes, finally, I dont know whether its third time lucky or new year lucky or both, but it happened :) I can finally cut up my L plates. Although not just yet actually. Because of the snow. Now I love snow and am very happy that Exeter has finally got it, seeing as for the last few weeks I've had to sit and watch the news and listen to people on twitter moaning/rejoicing about the snow in equal measure while I've been wishing for it, I dont really have any desire to drive in it just yet. Besides, I couldnt if I wanted to, as my doors are frozen shut, and the locks are buggered with it. Yay. So now I'm waiting for the temperature to warm up a bit so I can get into my car, and then I'll think about driving it. On my own. Oh god.
Other than that, things are definately good. I am LOVING Assassin's Creed II on the Xbox, and all my other games (not that I've played many of them since I got AC2).
I'm now on book 10, Crossroads of Twilight, of the Wheel of Time series, and I'm loving that too. Robert Jordan was a literary marvel, and I've only got a few more of his books left to read 'for the first time' as I have no doubt I'll be reading this series again. I've heard that Brandon Sanderson has indeed done a good job of book 12, and I cant wait to get there!
Anyway, I'm off to play more AC2 now, but happy new year and love to you all!
H.x
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Merry Christmas!
It's been too long! I know I've been crap at keeping up to date with this blog, but I've just had so much going on that this wasnt my priority. Suffice to say, plenty of shit has happened.
Long story short, failed my driving test for the second time, scattered nan's ashes, and am no longer friends with L by the looks of it. Fun times.
Anyway, it's Christmas! And typically of this charming year, I'm feeling ill, my muscles feel all funny and I feel like I could throw up at any minute. Oh yay.
Still, 2009 is nearly over. God I cant tell you how good it feels to type and say that. "2009 is nearly over!!!!" Almost as good as I expect it'll feel to say it actually is over. Nearly there.
I'm not going to write a long gushing post now, though I'm sure that'll come soon, but just to say Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this (hello you two! ;P) and to all my followers on twitter etc. I hope this holiday season is filled with fun, love and family, and that you stuff yourselves silly on chocolate and turkey alike :) Oh, and if you actually have snow, I'm jealous. Apparently Exeter is the only place in the country not to get snow, and I am NOT happy about that!
Merry Christmas everyone :)
H.x
Long story short, failed my driving test for the second time, scattered nan's ashes, and am no longer friends with L by the looks of it. Fun times.
Anyway, it's Christmas! And typically of this charming year, I'm feeling ill, my muscles feel all funny and I feel like I could throw up at any minute. Oh yay.
Still, 2009 is nearly over. God I cant tell you how good it feels to type and say that. "2009 is nearly over!!!!" Almost as good as I expect it'll feel to say it actually is over. Nearly there.
I'm not going to write a long gushing post now, though I'm sure that'll come soon, but just to say Merry Christmas to everyone who reads this (hello you two! ;P) and to all my followers on twitter etc. I hope this holiday season is filled with fun, love and family, and that you stuff yourselves silly on chocolate and turkey alike :) Oh, and if you actually have snow, I'm jealous. Apparently Exeter is the only place in the country not to get snow, and I am NOT happy about that!
Merry Christmas everyone :)
H.x
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days.
So, Monday down; I went and viewed my video evidence.
Obviously it wasnt much fun whilst I was watching it, but I had my SOLO there by my side throughout the whole thing with a friendly arm round me when I needed it which helped. Afterwards, strangely enough I didnt feel as crap as I thought I would. Something about me kicked in and I felt stronger, more positive. Although I know this case could easily not go the right way, Im feeling more confident about coping with everything. Though I could be wrong and fall to pieces but hey we'll take it one day at a time.
Now Tuesday is almost through, and I met with the barrister.
Firstly, true to form in my life the barrister we were expecting was involved in another case that was going on longer than expected so we had to have a new one, who was then late because he got lost. Overall though the meeting with him went well, and although things seem a bit last minute and chaotic, the barrister assured us that this was normal and not to be too worried. He gave me some more advice about answering questions and answered all the questions we had, so Im feeling ok about that.
So overall I'm feeling...ok about the trial at the minute. But as I say, that could all change.
On another note, things seem to have suddenly got a bit complicated with my best friend L after something she said in a text last night, eg either I jumped to the wrong conclusion or shes got feelings for me. She was beating herself up about having said anything now as shes knows I've got enough on, but we've just said we'll leave it for now and talk about it some other time. So yeah, MY LIFE IS NEVER SIMPLE IS IT?!?!
H.x
Obviously it wasnt much fun whilst I was watching it, but I had my SOLO there by my side throughout the whole thing with a friendly arm round me when I needed it which helped. Afterwards, strangely enough I didnt feel as crap as I thought I would. Something about me kicked in and I felt stronger, more positive. Although I know this case could easily not go the right way, Im feeling more confident about coping with everything. Though I could be wrong and fall to pieces but hey we'll take it one day at a time.
Now Tuesday is almost through, and I met with the barrister.
Firstly, true to form in my life the barrister we were expecting was involved in another case that was going on longer than expected so we had to have a new one, who was then late because he got lost. Overall though the meeting with him went well, and although things seem a bit last minute and chaotic, the barrister assured us that this was normal and not to be too worried. He gave me some more advice about answering questions and answered all the questions we had, so Im feeling ok about that.
So overall I'm feeling...ok about the trial at the minute. But as I say, that could all change.
On another note, things seem to have suddenly got a bit complicated with my best friend L after something she said in a text last night, eg either I jumped to the wrong conclusion or shes got feelings for me. She was beating herself up about having said anything now as shes knows I've got enough on, but we've just said we'll leave it for now and talk about it some other time. So yeah, MY LIFE IS NEVER SIMPLE IS IT?!?!
H.x
Saturday, 19 September 2009
Well apparently fucking not.
RE; Last post. Fucking failed. You saw my tweets about it. Monday is nearly here which means viewing my evidence, something I'm obviously not looking forwards to. Then on Tuesday I meet with my barrister and then Wednesday strikes. Oh deepest joy. Sensing sarcasm? Good.
For now, I'm feeling pretty crap after Friday's failure. Basically my driving test was going really quite well, and I came up to the last roundabout before the test center thinking "Oh my god, I'm actually going to do this." And then some git of a van driver decided that it would be fun to get in the wrong lane and then pull out in front of me as I moved because the way looked clear. The examiner had to slam on the brakes and that was it. "Shit. Fuck. Well thats me failed." And it was. Oh well. I had my period of shut down when I got home, then I had a cry, and now I'm feeling a bit better about it. Still feeling shit about it, but slowly realising that although its just one more thing in my life thats gone wrong, it might not actually be the end of the world. My driving instructor texted me today to say that he has booked me another test for the beginning of November, and I text back thanking him but also adding that if there was any chance of a cancellation before then, as long as its not this week obviously, then I'm free for that so it'd be much appreciated. No reply so far.
Apart from that I'm just doing the usual and bumming around, eating and smoking too much and doing too little. My progress in terms of reading is still increasing though, I've read quite a few books and got a few more sitting waiting to be read. I have thus far read and enjoyed; The Twilight series/saga and The Host (Stephanie Meyer), War Horse (Micheal Morpurgo) and... Suddenly I cant for the life of me remember what other ones I've read are and I'll be buggered if I'm going upstairs to check. My 'To Read' list is a little longer; Time Travellers Wife, Altas Shrugged, The God Delusion, The Dice Man, Million Little Pieces, My Friend Leonard, Picture of Dorian Gray, The Great Gatsby and quite a few more. And the book of Let The Right One In and another by the same guy that're on their way to me. So plenty to get through methinks.
Onwards and upwards hey?
I'll try to be on twitter etc as much as I can over the next week, but as I'm sure you can understand things wont exactly be much fun for me so chances are I'll be curled up in a ball somewhere. But I know there's a fair few of you who'll be thinking of me and whose support I can count on, and for that I thank you, more than you will ever now.
Stay safe, play nice, and sleep tight.
H.x
For now, I'm feeling pretty crap after Friday's failure. Basically my driving test was going really quite well, and I came up to the last roundabout before the test center thinking "Oh my god, I'm actually going to do this." And then some git of a van driver decided that it would be fun to get in the wrong lane and then pull out in front of me as I moved because the way looked clear. The examiner had to slam on the brakes and that was it. "Shit. Fuck. Well thats me failed." And it was. Oh well. I had my period of shut down when I got home, then I had a cry, and now I'm feeling a bit better about it. Still feeling shit about it, but slowly realising that although its just one more thing in my life thats gone wrong, it might not actually be the end of the world. My driving instructor texted me today to say that he has booked me another test for the beginning of November, and I text back thanking him but also adding that if there was any chance of a cancellation before then, as long as its not this week obviously, then I'm free for that so it'd be much appreciated. No reply so far.
Apart from that I'm just doing the usual and bumming around, eating and smoking too much and doing too little. My progress in terms of reading is still increasing though, I've read quite a few books and got a few more sitting waiting to be read. I have thus far read and enjoyed; The Twilight series/saga and The Host (Stephanie Meyer), War Horse (Micheal Morpurgo) and... Suddenly I cant for the life of me remember what other ones I've read are and I'll be buggered if I'm going upstairs to check. My 'To Read' list is a little longer; Time Travellers Wife, Altas Shrugged, The God Delusion, The Dice Man, Million Little Pieces, My Friend Leonard, Picture of Dorian Gray, The Great Gatsby and quite a few more. And the book of Let The Right One In and another by the same guy that're on their way to me. So plenty to get through methinks.
Onwards and upwards hey?
I'll try to be on twitter etc as much as I can over the next week, but as I'm sure you can understand things wont exactly be much fun for me so chances are I'll be curled up in a ball somewhere. But I know there's a fair few of you who'll be thinking of me and whose support I can count on, and for that I thank you, more than you will ever now.
Stay safe, play nice, and sleep tight.
H.x
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.
With any luck I'll be getting rid of these tomorrow
and getting some of these!
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Over and out :)
So I promised you details; I'll talk you through the few important days, as I know some of you are dying for details (not naming names Josi :P), and then give you a general update as to how things are going.
Tuesday.
Recieved a phone call from my SOLO, R, as promised when I spoke to her before we went away last week, to arrange a time/date for her to come round and help me tell the parents the necessary. We decided on Friday at 1pm. My nerves were mounting already.
Thursday.
My friend L wanted to go out for a meal with us, and I was grateful for the distraction to be honest, otherwise I'd just have been sitting there trembling while my parents wondered what on earth was wrong with me. I got the sense that something was up with L anyway, and was right. Suffice to say her (now ex-) boyfriends parents were being twats, and she was having a bit of difficulty with him too. While we were out I rang my auntie, as she'd said I could, to talk to her. I told her that R was coming round tomorrow at 1pm to help me tell mum and dad. Just chatted for a while and she eased some of my worries and helped me figure out what I was going to actually physically say. My friend then eventually stayed round mine, and we just talked about the next day and how I was feeling about it.
Friday.
L had work at 9am, so I had to semi-wake up then to say goodbye. Mum gave her a lift to work and I went back to bed for an hour or so, as my counsellor wasnt coming round until 11.30am. I woke up again properly at about 11am and my stomach was churning. I was hungry but when I tried to eat anything, I just felt, quite honestly, that I was going to bring it back up again sometime soon. So I gave up with the eating and instead sat on the garden bench shaking like a leaf and chain smoking. 11.30 came and went...and I was getting worse. She was only ten minutes late due to a meeting finishing late, but by the time my counsellor arrived at twenty to 12 I was borderline a mess. I made her a cup of tea and then explained why I was really quite so in need of seeing her. I told her everything she needed to know, and she offered to be there too but said perhaps it might be best if it was just the four of us, but that she could come back later if we needed her. We'd pretty much just finished anyway, but then dad came home at 12.30. I said goodbye to her and went for another cigarette. While I was outside mum arrived home and I knew it was all getting very close. I came in and sat down, and soon enough the doorbell rang. I jumped up ("I'll get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!") and answered the door. R greeted me with a kind and knowing smile, and I welcomed her in. She went and said hi to my parents while I put the kettle on. She then joined me in the kitchen and I quietly told her the way I thought it would be best to do this. We'd go through whatever answers she could give us to the questions we asked at the pre-trial court visit, and then I'd take over. I began to relax a little as we went through the questions we had, as it took a bit longer than I'd expected so I had the time to relax. However, as I saw we were answering the last question on the list, my heart sped up by several thousand notches. Then my dad said what I was waiting for; "So, is that everything?"
I looked at R and spoke. I cant remember exactly what I said, but I started by asking them not to interrupt me for a minute, and to just let me talk. I told them that I had something to tell them and it might go some way to explaining the extent and length of my depression, as well as my falling out with my friends and why January was so hard. I told them that I have to tell them as its to do with the case, and that its the strongest piece of evidence in the case for prosecution. I then stumbled one hell of a lot, as getting the actual point of this out was the hardest bit. In the end, I settled for the way I told my auntie and counsellor - "the reason what happened in January was so hard, is because I dont like men." (a phrasing that my mother later realised was quite funny, but more on that later.)
I'm not really sure what I expected, but it certainly wasnt what happened.
I couldnt look at either of my parents, just stared at the floor, but I heard my dad clear enough. He said that my mum and he had had, not their suspicions, but 'an inkling' that that might have been the case, but that it didnt matter to them one bit. At which point I think I may have said 'bloody hell' and laughed a little. R gave me a little smile and a hand on my shoulder. I welled up and my mum spoke. 'It really doesnt matter. If anything it makes sense.' - kind of thing. She then saw I was starting to cry, with relief more than anything, and started crying too. She then asked if she could hug me, to which I replied "please". At which point R said it was probably a good time for her to leave, as we would obviously need time to ourselves. We all thanked her, and I walked to the door with dad to let her out. She gave me a hug goodbye and told me to call her if I needed anything. It was around this time that my mum then got that sudden strange headache you may remember I mentioned, so most of our energy was then focused on looking after mum. She really was in a hell of a lot of pain, and I must admit that the pain and sensation she described, namely that it was down one side of her face and her teeth were feeling strange, did make me panic a bit inside and think it was a stroke. We've since been to the hospital and it wasnt. While she was in a lot of pain, she was worried that I thought it was my fault. Yes, a part of me worried that the shock of me had caused it, and although that was true mum assured me it wasnt in a bad way. She said it was probably because the way I'd been talking as I led up to it sounded a lot worse than it was, and she was thinking "oh god, what else happened that night that we dont know about", and the speed with which she got up to hug me probably didnt help.
Eventually, after going to bed for a little while, the pain eased off and she felt just about ok. The three of us had a group hug while I stood there mumbling, still worried that they werent being honest and that they'd much rather chuck me out or something. No idea why. Dad was brilliant. He told me that it doesnt matter to them 'what' I am as it were, only 'who', and they love who I am. Mum would have been brilliant, but the headache kind of got in the way. She was still great though. She's the kind of mother who doesnt shut up, and while I love her for it, it does get annoying :P Even when she was lying down in agony and we were telling her just to keep quiet to help the head, she was saying that obviously she'll have questions. I told her I could certainly guess a few she might have.
So, we then quickly had a talk about my brother. We all agreed that while he obviously needs to know, it might not be the best idea to tell him that day or indeed that week, as he was going to be stressed with all the moving and such like, so we've agreed that we'll leave it a week or so til he's settled into his (AMAZING!) new house and then tell him. Then soon after, my brother arrived and we all helped load the furniture we were giving him into the van. Mum and I then arranged to go out for a meal with best friend H and her mum in Wagmama's before I went round to H's to stay the night. We had a lovely evening, and on the way to Waga's I stopped mum, gave her a big hug and told her thank you and that I love her. She told me she loved me too :)
As I say, I then stayed round H's house that night. Partly because I havent seen her in ages, partly to give me a bit of fun after the emotional day but mostly to give mum and dad some time to talk. While I was at H's I discovered that I suck at Guitar Hero and Marcus was nominated. Then we stayed up til the early hours just chatting, and the subject inevitably turned to the guys. Now I wont bore you with the conversation as thats not what this post is about, but I did end up crying a bit and she hugged my legs (we were top-to-tailing) :) In some ways its easy talking to her but in other ways its harder, as I know I'm always putting her in a difficult position when I talk about the guys. She's still friends with them and enjoys doing things with them, even though she doesnt like how they've treated me, so its tricky.
Anyway, eventually she fell asleep, and a good few hours later I did too. Not before she frightened me with her sleep talking again, helpful lass.
Saturday and onwards.
H's dad dropped me home on the way to giving H a lift to work, and only mum was home. Dad was helping my brother with the first big van load of stuff from his old house, which turned into a bit of a disaster thanks to the van breaking down. Mum's headache was still lingering and she was a bit worried so asked if I'd come to A&E with her. I told her of course I would dont be silly, and off we went. The doctor thought it could have been a small haemorrhage or something called Temporal Arterius [sic] but the blood tests didnt confirm that, so at the minute we're none the wiser. Just having to see how she goes from now on. After that we went round to my brothers new house where they were unloading the second van load, and got the grand tour. Now this time last year my brother was living in quite a nice house when the landlord said he needed them to get out in a month. In that month only one place was available to my brother at such short notice, so him and his friend had no choice but to move in there. It was an absolute DIVE. The last tenants hadn't taken care of it at all, and the landlord was shit. They had no hot water, no working washing machine, windows that wouldnt open, and so on. We were all amazed that he managed to last the 12 months to be quite honest. But this new place is BEAUTIFUL, seriously. I'm jealous. It's exactly the type of place I want to get in about 12 months time (actually, one of his 2 housemates might be gone then so I might get to live there, but I'm getting ahead of myself :P) and he really deserves it. He's so chuffed. That night mum, dad and I took him out to Double Locks for dinner and drinks to 'celebrate' as we didnt know when we'd get a chance to over the next few days, and it was really nice to spend some time with him. We helped him some more on Sunday afternoon, giving the kitchen and bathroom tiles a once over, that sort of thing. They've yet to have new worktops and curtain rails put in but they knew that when they got the place and the landlordn assures them it'll be done soon. It's just been redecorated so its got that lovely new paint smell and is sparkling, with new carpets and everything. Its not a brand new property, so of course theres bound to be a few things that need TLC, eg some of the windows are a bit stiff and a few of the tiles in the kitchen nearly fell off in my hand when I was cleaning them (not my fault!) but thats the kind of thing the landlord is finishing up now. It's like the Tardis though! Some of the rooms are slightly bizarre shapes, such as the utility room next to the living room, which hides a toilet under the stairs which is a very roomy room! Also there's lots of strange cubby holes, but the two of them that have already got their stuff in (my brother and friend) have got so much stuff that combined with the third boys stuff, who's coming down from Dorset soon, they'll have no problem finding something to fill them with!
Today wasn't bad either. My parents and I went to Dawlish to this lovely cafe that does a lovely HUGE fried breakfast :D and I failed yet again to win a sat nav on the arcade game. I WILL beat it one of these days I tell you! While we were eating mum mentioned that we hadnt really spoken about Friday, she knew she had questions and did my dad? He said he didnt have any he wanted to ask in public :P so we'd probably talk about it later if necessary. We visited my nan on the way home, and she seems a bit better but her ulcerated leg has got a lot worse again which is affecting her mobility rehab. Just having to see how things go with her too.
Over dinner dad simply said that regarding what mum said at brunch, yes they had questions, but it wasnt deathly urgent. He said that his main questions were a) how long have I felt this way (I have noticed neither of them have said 'known' yet, but thats okay) and b) have I ever had a relationship or anything. I told him that the short answers were a) a while and b) no not really. ( I wasnt going to turn round at that point and say, "Well, unless you count my semi stalker from work who said she was in love with me and that she was going to leave her boyfriend whose baby she may or may not be pregnant with for me, and would I raise the child with her if she was" :s thats a story for another day if anyone wants to hear it!) To which he said, and this is quite sweet really, that the only reason he asked is because if my brother or sister ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend he'd want them to feel able to talk about it and 'bring them home' etc, and he wants me to know its the same for me :) Mum said that she (obviously) has a few more questions. I explained to her that while of course they're having to get used to knowing, I'm also going to have to get used to them knowing too. I told her that all the late night chats we've had over the past 12months have been gradual, and this would be the same. I've gone for so long without them knowing, it is going to be really odd now.
Mum has said a couple of funny things about this, my personal favourites being; "The way you told us was quite funny, now I think about it, 'I dont like men'...theres some men I dont like but I guess its a bit different isnt it?" and the utterly randomly said while we were putting my brothers DVD's on his shelves, "I'm suprised you didnt tell us while we were watching Skins to be honest..." Cos thats how down with the kids my mum is, she watches Skins with me :) Not anymore thats for sure! :P
And now I'm in bed.
The last few days have been, as seems to be par for the course with me, strange. Over the next few weeks, I have to go and give another statement to the police confirming my sexuality, and another one saying how everything has been since. As well as that, I have driving lessons, as my driving test is now in...FUCK! Just 18 days!?!?! Which does tell you when it is, meaning I go back on what I said last post...ah well, just dont talk to me about it :P
And then the trial.
So, another fun filled month to come, no doubt. But hey, things can only get better, right?
Hx
Tuesday.
Recieved a phone call from my SOLO, R, as promised when I spoke to her before we went away last week, to arrange a time/date for her to come round and help me tell the parents the necessary. We decided on Friday at 1pm. My nerves were mounting already.
Thursday.
My friend L wanted to go out for a meal with us, and I was grateful for the distraction to be honest, otherwise I'd just have been sitting there trembling while my parents wondered what on earth was wrong with me. I got the sense that something was up with L anyway, and was right. Suffice to say her (now ex-) boyfriends parents were being twats, and she was having a bit of difficulty with him too. While we were out I rang my auntie, as she'd said I could, to talk to her. I told her that R was coming round tomorrow at 1pm to help me tell mum and dad. Just chatted for a while and she eased some of my worries and helped me figure out what I was going to actually physically say. My friend then eventually stayed round mine, and we just talked about the next day and how I was feeling about it.
Friday.
L had work at 9am, so I had to semi-wake up then to say goodbye. Mum gave her a lift to work and I went back to bed for an hour or so, as my counsellor wasnt coming round until 11.30am. I woke up again properly at about 11am and my stomach was churning. I was hungry but when I tried to eat anything, I just felt, quite honestly, that I was going to bring it back up again sometime soon. So I gave up with the eating and instead sat on the garden bench shaking like a leaf and chain smoking. 11.30 came and went...and I was getting worse. She was only ten minutes late due to a meeting finishing late, but by the time my counsellor arrived at twenty to 12 I was borderline a mess. I made her a cup of tea and then explained why I was really quite so in need of seeing her. I told her everything she needed to know, and she offered to be there too but said perhaps it might be best if it was just the four of us, but that she could come back later if we needed her. We'd pretty much just finished anyway, but then dad came home at 12.30. I said goodbye to her and went for another cigarette. While I was outside mum arrived home and I knew it was all getting very close. I came in and sat down, and soon enough the doorbell rang. I jumped up ("I'll get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!") and answered the door. R greeted me with a kind and knowing smile, and I welcomed her in. She went and said hi to my parents while I put the kettle on. She then joined me in the kitchen and I quietly told her the way I thought it would be best to do this. We'd go through whatever answers she could give us to the questions we asked at the pre-trial court visit, and then I'd take over. I began to relax a little as we went through the questions we had, as it took a bit longer than I'd expected so I had the time to relax. However, as I saw we were answering the last question on the list, my heart sped up by several thousand notches. Then my dad said what I was waiting for; "So, is that everything?"
I looked at R and spoke. I cant remember exactly what I said, but I started by asking them not to interrupt me for a minute, and to just let me talk. I told them that I had something to tell them and it might go some way to explaining the extent and length of my depression, as well as my falling out with my friends and why January was so hard. I told them that I have to tell them as its to do with the case, and that its the strongest piece of evidence in the case for prosecution. I then stumbled one hell of a lot, as getting the actual point of this out was the hardest bit. In the end, I settled for the way I told my auntie and counsellor - "the reason what happened in January was so hard, is because I dont like men." (a phrasing that my mother later realised was quite funny, but more on that later.)
I'm not really sure what I expected, but it certainly wasnt what happened.
I couldnt look at either of my parents, just stared at the floor, but I heard my dad clear enough. He said that my mum and he had had, not their suspicions, but 'an inkling' that that might have been the case, but that it didnt matter to them one bit. At which point I think I may have said 'bloody hell' and laughed a little. R gave me a little smile and a hand on my shoulder. I welled up and my mum spoke. 'It really doesnt matter. If anything it makes sense.' - kind of thing. She then saw I was starting to cry, with relief more than anything, and started crying too. She then asked if she could hug me, to which I replied "please". At which point R said it was probably a good time for her to leave, as we would obviously need time to ourselves. We all thanked her, and I walked to the door with dad to let her out. She gave me a hug goodbye and told me to call her if I needed anything. It was around this time that my mum then got that sudden strange headache you may remember I mentioned, so most of our energy was then focused on looking after mum. She really was in a hell of a lot of pain, and I must admit that the pain and sensation she described, namely that it was down one side of her face and her teeth were feeling strange, did make me panic a bit inside and think it was a stroke. We've since been to the hospital and it wasnt. While she was in a lot of pain, she was worried that I thought it was my fault. Yes, a part of me worried that the shock of me had caused it, and although that was true mum assured me it wasnt in a bad way. She said it was probably because the way I'd been talking as I led up to it sounded a lot worse than it was, and she was thinking "oh god, what else happened that night that we dont know about", and the speed with which she got up to hug me probably didnt help.
Eventually, after going to bed for a little while, the pain eased off and she felt just about ok. The three of us had a group hug while I stood there mumbling, still worried that they werent being honest and that they'd much rather chuck me out or something. No idea why. Dad was brilliant. He told me that it doesnt matter to them 'what' I am as it were, only 'who', and they love who I am. Mum would have been brilliant, but the headache kind of got in the way. She was still great though. She's the kind of mother who doesnt shut up, and while I love her for it, it does get annoying :P Even when she was lying down in agony and we were telling her just to keep quiet to help the head, she was saying that obviously she'll have questions. I told her I could certainly guess a few she might have.
So, we then quickly had a talk about my brother. We all agreed that while he obviously needs to know, it might not be the best idea to tell him that day or indeed that week, as he was going to be stressed with all the moving and such like, so we've agreed that we'll leave it a week or so til he's settled into his (AMAZING!) new house and then tell him. Then soon after, my brother arrived and we all helped load the furniture we were giving him into the van. Mum and I then arranged to go out for a meal with best friend H and her mum in Wagmama's before I went round to H's to stay the night. We had a lovely evening, and on the way to Waga's I stopped mum, gave her a big hug and told her thank you and that I love her. She told me she loved me too :)
As I say, I then stayed round H's house that night. Partly because I havent seen her in ages, partly to give me a bit of fun after the emotional day but mostly to give mum and dad some time to talk. While I was at H's I discovered that I suck at Guitar Hero and Marcus was nominated. Then we stayed up til the early hours just chatting, and the subject inevitably turned to the guys. Now I wont bore you with the conversation as thats not what this post is about, but I did end up crying a bit and she hugged my legs (we were top-to-tailing) :) In some ways its easy talking to her but in other ways its harder, as I know I'm always putting her in a difficult position when I talk about the guys. She's still friends with them and enjoys doing things with them, even though she doesnt like how they've treated me, so its tricky.
Anyway, eventually she fell asleep, and a good few hours later I did too. Not before she frightened me with her sleep talking again, helpful lass.
Saturday and onwards.
H's dad dropped me home on the way to giving H a lift to work, and only mum was home. Dad was helping my brother with the first big van load of stuff from his old house, which turned into a bit of a disaster thanks to the van breaking down. Mum's headache was still lingering and she was a bit worried so asked if I'd come to A&E with her. I told her of course I would dont be silly, and off we went. The doctor thought it could have been a small haemorrhage or something called Temporal Arterius [sic] but the blood tests didnt confirm that, so at the minute we're none the wiser. Just having to see how she goes from now on. After that we went round to my brothers new house where they were unloading the second van load, and got the grand tour. Now this time last year my brother was living in quite a nice house when the landlord said he needed them to get out in a month. In that month only one place was available to my brother at such short notice, so him and his friend had no choice but to move in there. It was an absolute DIVE. The last tenants hadn't taken care of it at all, and the landlord was shit. They had no hot water, no working washing machine, windows that wouldnt open, and so on. We were all amazed that he managed to last the 12 months to be quite honest. But this new place is BEAUTIFUL, seriously. I'm jealous. It's exactly the type of place I want to get in about 12 months time (actually, one of his 2 housemates might be gone then so I might get to live there, but I'm getting ahead of myself :P) and he really deserves it. He's so chuffed. That night mum, dad and I took him out to Double Locks for dinner and drinks to 'celebrate' as we didnt know when we'd get a chance to over the next few days, and it was really nice to spend some time with him. We helped him some more on Sunday afternoon, giving the kitchen and bathroom tiles a once over, that sort of thing. They've yet to have new worktops and curtain rails put in but they knew that when they got the place and the landlordn assures them it'll be done soon. It's just been redecorated so its got that lovely new paint smell and is sparkling, with new carpets and everything. Its not a brand new property, so of course theres bound to be a few things that need TLC, eg some of the windows are a bit stiff and a few of the tiles in the kitchen nearly fell off in my hand when I was cleaning them (not my fault!) but thats the kind of thing the landlord is finishing up now. It's like the Tardis though! Some of the rooms are slightly bizarre shapes, such as the utility room next to the living room, which hides a toilet under the stairs which is a very roomy room! Also there's lots of strange cubby holes, but the two of them that have already got their stuff in (my brother and friend) have got so much stuff that combined with the third boys stuff, who's coming down from Dorset soon, they'll have no problem finding something to fill them with!
Today wasn't bad either. My parents and I went to Dawlish to this lovely cafe that does a lovely HUGE fried breakfast :D and I failed yet again to win a sat nav on the arcade game. I WILL beat it one of these days I tell you! While we were eating mum mentioned that we hadnt really spoken about Friday, she knew she had questions and did my dad? He said he didnt have any he wanted to ask in public :P so we'd probably talk about it later if necessary. We visited my nan on the way home, and she seems a bit better but her ulcerated leg has got a lot worse again which is affecting her mobility rehab. Just having to see how things go with her too.
Over dinner dad simply said that regarding what mum said at brunch, yes they had questions, but it wasnt deathly urgent. He said that his main questions were a) how long have I felt this way (I have noticed neither of them have said 'known' yet, but thats okay) and b) have I ever had a relationship or anything. I told him that the short answers were a) a while and b) no not really. ( I wasnt going to turn round at that point and say, "Well, unless you count my semi stalker from work who said she was in love with me and that she was going to leave her boyfriend whose baby she may or may not be pregnant with for me, and would I raise the child with her if she was" :s thats a story for another day if anyone wants to hear it!) To which he said, and this is quite sweet really, that the only reason he asked is because if my brother or sister ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend he'd want them to feel able to talk about it and 'bring them home' etc, and he wants me to know its the same for me :) Mum said that she (obviously) has a few more questions. I explained to her that while of course they're having to get used to knowing, I'm also going to have to get used to them knowing too. I told her that all the late night chats we've had over the past 12months have been gradual, and this would be the same. I've gone for so long without them knowing, it is going to be really odd now.
Mum has said a couple of funny things about this, my personal favourites being; "The way you told us was quite funny, now I think about it, 'I dont like men'...theres some men I dont like but I guess its a bit different isnt it?" and the utterly randomly said while we were putting my brothers DVD's on his shelves, "I'm suprised you didnt tell us while we were watching Skins to be honest..." Cos thats how down with the kids my mum is, she watches Skins with me :) Not anymore thats for sure! :P
And now I'm in bed.
The last few days have been, as seems to be par for the course with me, strange. Over the next few weeks, I have to go and give another statement to the police confirming my sexuality, and another one saying how everything has been since. As well as that, I have driving lessons, as my driving test is now in...FUCK! Just 18 days!?!?! Which does tell you when it is, meaning I go back on what I said last post...ah well, just dont talk to me about it :P
And then the trial.
So, another fun filled month to come, no doubt. But hey, things can only get better, right?
Hx
Thursday, 27 August 2009
Looming.
Some of the scariest days of my life are looming.
Firstly, tomorrow.
My friend has said I can stay at hers tomorrow night if I want, and I may take her up on that offer. I know things are going to be really strange at home and although I know I'm going to have to be at home sometime it might just be a good thing to give mum and dad some time and space, especially seeing as they'll more than likely be helping my brother move house almost straight after I tell them so wont have time to talk then. Plus it gives me a bit of a chance to chill and just talk to my friend.
Secondly, my driving test.
I'm not going to say when it is until the day before, as I dont want to put even more pressure on myself. Suffice to say its 5 days before the first date at court, so yay for perfect timing. Admittedly, its better than it could have been, as the first date WAS the first day at court but luckily we were able to change it. Having just come back from a driving lesson I can honestly say that I'm genuinely worried I wont be ready in time. I'd hoped I would be ready, considering how many lessons I've had by now, but I dont feel like I am. My driving instructor is still pretty confident I will be though, so I guess I'll just have to trust him on that. And cross my fingers rather hard.
Finally, the trial.
I'm not going to say too much about it at this moment in time, all I can say is that I'm not exactly looking forwards to it.
Stress is getting to me a bit at the moment, and I just know that this next month is going to be really difficult to say the least. 2009 has been a horrible, horrible year, and I cant wait for it to be over. I think this year I'll just stay in and watch Hootenany.
Firstly, tomorrow.
My friend has said I can stay at hers tomorrow night if I want, and I may take her up on that offer. I know things are going to be really strange at home and although I know I'm going to have to be at home sometime it might just be a good thing to give mum and dad some time and space, especially seeing as they'll more than likely be helping my brother move house almost straight after I tell them so wont have time to talk then. Plus it gives me a bit of a chance to chill and just talk to my friend.
Secondly, my driving test.
I'm not going to say when it is until the day before, as I dont want to put even more pressure on myself. Suffice to say its 5 days before the first date at court, so yay for perfect timing. Admittedly, its better than it could have been, as the first date WAS the first day at court but luckily we were able to change it. Having just come back from a driving lesson I can honestly say that I'm genuinely worried I wont be ready in time. I'd hoped I would be ready, considering how many lessons I've had by now, but I dont feel like I am. My driving instructor is still pretty confident I will be though, so I guess I'll just have to trust him on that. And cross my fingers rather hard.
Finally, the trial.
I'm not going to say too much about it at this moment in time, all I can say is that I'm not exactly looking forwards to it.
Stress is getting to me a bit at the moment, and I just know that this next month is going to be really difficult to say the least. 2009 has been a horrible, horrible year, and I cant wait for it to be over. I think this year I'll just stay in and watch Hootenany.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
Getting to me.
All this stress is kind of getting to me now. Been pushing everything to the back of my mind every day, but sitting just listening to music I've got nothing really to distract my attention.
Stressed about my driving.
Stressed about the court case.
Stressed about the verdict and what I'm scared it'll be, judging by statistics.
Stressed about coming out to my parents.
Stressed about my weight.
Stressed about my friends.
FREAKING OUT basically.
And it's making me worry that I might not be able to stop myself from reverting to old habits of stress relief.
Stressed about my driving.
Stressed about the court case.
Stressed about the verdict and what I'm scared it'll be, judging by statistics.
Stressed about coming out to my parents.
Stressed about my weight.
Stressed about my friends.
FREAKING OUT basically.
And it's making me worry that I might not be able to stop myself from reverting to old habits of stress relief.
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Clash.
Where to start? I have GOT to update this thing more often!
The rabbits are now genderless. That's one way to kick this thing off! First they were both boys, then they were both girls so we booked them in to be spayed. One more sexing before the op, just to check; bloody good job they did because it turns out Yoshi IS a boy. Spud is still definately a little girl apparently. Well, was. Now neither of them have any bits. Having to keep an eye on the wounds and stitches, especially in Spud's case as her op was much more invasive than Yoshi's. Both of them took a bit of time to get back to normal, again Spud more so than Yoshi, but they're both back to their cheeky mischievous selves by now! Possibly the remainder of their hormones as it were, are still kicking around as they're still a little aggressive at the minute, but that should calm down.
I PASSED MY THEORY TEST!
Thinking about it I should have led with that really...hmmm. But yes, I passed. 49/50 on the multiple choice and 62/75 on the hazard perception test, which is a good score I think! That was about the first thing we had to celebrate in a while, so we bought a cake :) with the Stig on it :) seemed appropriate!
My practical driving test has been booked and my instructor told me the date today...the same date as the provisional date for the trial. Great. Another dose of bad luck.
Had my first appointment at CAMHS on Tuesday, after ringing to book an appointment, being told that the earliest they could offer me an appointment was September, and telling them in no uncertain terms that while I appreciate they have waiting lists, I need 'help' soon now. So she pulled some strings and got me an appointment with the case-screening guy which I was pleased about until I actually HAD the appointment. To start with he was nice enough and seemed to listen, but by the end of it I just felt like I really hadn't been listened to properly. All I'd got out of it was him saying he would book an appointment with someone I've already had an appointment with (but it wont be the same obviously, because she works in two departments and this time I see her, it'll be in a different capacity. Sure.) for as soon as possible, which is still likely to be months away. As I say, by the time I left I felt worse than when I'd gone in. I went to CAMHS because I have been worried about my mental health for years now, and over the last 8 months these concerns have got worse. No matter how much I stressed to him that while what had happened to me in January wasn't exactly the most savoury experience, the problems I am now worrying about are NOT because of it, as it were. As I've said to my parents and to him, in most respects I am actually over what happened. I've accepted it wasn't my fault and I'm moving on from it as much as I can ( at least until the trial ), so my mental health problems which are why I was even AT CAMHS and have been worrying about for YEARS are what I need help with. But according to him it sounds like I'm just suffering from 'post-traumatic stress and anxiety'. Yes. Obviously. So apparently a trauma happened years ago that I can't remember that has resulted in me feeling like I'm going crazy. Fuck off.
That debacle and the whole driving-test-on-the-same-day-as-the-provisional-trial-date has only left me with a sense of despair to be honest. Despair at the system, the fucked up system. The legal system where it takes 8 months to even get a provisional trial date, 8 months to get a possible date to try and prosecute this bastard. 8 months of waiting, of not being told what's going on, of not knowing. Despair. Despair at a system where someone who has concerns over their mental health, and has done for years, someone your system is 'aware' of, who 'meets your criteria' for help, yet is pushed from pillar to post, person to person, department to department, never getting the help and need. Is it any wonder that people disappear, or worse, when the system fails them so utterly and repeatedly? I was prosecuted for a lesser crime and that took no time at all, yet I've got this suffocating shadow of a trial constantly over me, its at the back of my mind yes, as much as I can keep it there, but each time it creeps forwards I just cant take it. Yes, I am 'over' what happened in some sense. But that doesnt mean I'm particularly relishing the thought of standing in the same room as him, answering questions, hearing his lies and watching my friends no doubt get a grilling. But I have to wait, dont I. I have to suffer even more, never able to fully move on until after the trial, but never knowing for definate when it'll be.
But that's the system isn't it? The ones who need help, the ones who are the 'victims' if you like, are the ones who are failed. Time is on his side, in a way. He gets longer to decide how to try and make me look like a liar, drags it out. And in terms of CAMHS, well, what are they playing at. Another system that's failing people. I just dont know what to do about this whole situation.
All I know is that there is a Plea Case Management Hearing this Friday where the trial date SHOULD be fixed. If it isn't I think a very big part of me will be angry. If it is and its fixed for the same day as my driving test (which he picked for that day because it was a brilliant time of day as well) well, then I have yet more thinking to do. Do I take the test the same week, week before, week after, what? I just dont know! Everything is just so frustrating! Not to mention my sleeping is still up the shit.
I've kind of run out of things to say, which is a first. Oh no, wait I haven't, but it'll wait for another day. Or in about 5 minutes time, whichever I feel like more :)
The rabbits are now genderless. That's one way to kick this thing off! First they were both boys, then they were both girls so we booked them in to be spayed. One more sexing before the op, just to check; bloody good job they did because it turns out Yoshi IS a boy. Spud is still definately a little girl apparently. Well, was. Now neither of them have any bits. Having to keep an eye on the wounds and stitches, especially in Spud's case as her op was much more invasive than Yoshi's. Both of them took a bit of time to get back to normal, again Spud more so than Yoshi, but they're both back to their cheeky mischievous selves by now! Possibly the remainder of their hormones as it were, are still kicking around as they're still a little aggressive at the minute, but that should calm down.
I PASSED MY THEORY TEST!
Thinking about it I should have led with that really...hmmm. But yes, I passed. 49/50 on the multiple choice and 62/75 on the hazard perception test, which is a good score I think! That was about the first thing we had to celebrate in a while, so we bought a cake :) with the Stig on it :) seemed appropriate!
My practical driving test has been booked and my instructor told me the date today...the same date as the provisional date for the trial. Great. Another dose of bad luck.
Had my first appointment at CAMHS on Tuesday, after ringing to book an appointment, being told that the earliest they could offer me an appointment was September, and telling them in no uncertain terms that while I appreciate they have waiting lists, I need 'help' soon now. So she pulled some strings and got me an appointment with the case-screening guy which I was pleased about until I actually HAD the appointment. To start with he was nice enough and seemed to listen, but by the end of it I just felt like I really hadn't been listened to properly. All I'd got out of it was him saying he would book an appointment with someone I've already had an appointment with (but it wont be the same obviously, because she works in two departments and this time I see her, it'll be in a different capacity. Sure.) for as soon as possible, which is still likely to be months away. As I say, by the time I left I felt worse than when I'd gone in. I went to CAMHS because I have been worried about my mental health for years now, and over the last 8 months these concerns have got worse. No matter how much I stressed to him that while what had happened to me in January wasn't exactly the most savoury experience, the problems I am now worrying about are NOT because of it, as it were. As I've said to my parents and to him, in most respects I am actually over what happened. I've accepted it wasn't my fault and I'm moving on from it as much as I can ( at least until the trial ), so my mental health problems which are why I was even AT CAMHS and have been worrying about for YEARS are what I need help with. But according to him it sounds like I'm just suffering from 'post-traumatic stress and anxiety'. Yes. Obviously. So apparently a trauma happened years ago that I can't remember that has resulted in me feeling like I'm going crazy. Fuck off.
That debacle and the whole driving-test-on-the-same-day-as-the-provisional-trial-date has only left me with a sense of despair to be honest. Despair at the system, the fucked up system. The legal system where it takes 8 months to even get a provisional trial date, 8 months to get a possible date to try and prosecute this bastard. 8 months of waiting, of not being told what's going on, of not knowing. Despair. Despair at a system where someone who has concerns over their mental health, and has done for years, someone your system is 'aware' of, who 'meets your criteria' for help, yet is pushed from pillar to post, person to person, department to department, never getting the help and need. Is it any wonder that people disappear, or worse, when the system fails them so utterly and repeatedly? I was prosecuted for a lesser crime and that took no time at all, yet I've got this suffocating shadow of a trial constantly over me, its at the back of my mind yes, as much as I can keep it there, but each time it creeps forwards I just cant take it. Yes, I am 'over' what happened in some sense. But that doesnt mean I'm particularly relishing the thought of standing in the same room as him, answering questions, hearing his lies and watching my friends no doubt get a grilling. But I have to wait, dont I. I have to suffer even more, never able to fully move on until after the trial, but never knowing for definate when it'll be.
But that's the system isn't it? The ones who need help, the ones who are the 'victims' if you like, are the ones who are failed. Time is on his side, in a way. He gets longer to decide how to try and make me look like a liar, drags it out. And in terms of CAMHS, well, what are they playing at. Another system that's failing people. I just dont know what to do about this whole situation.
All I know is that there is a Plea Case Management Hearing this Friday where the trial date SHOULD be fixed. If it isn't I think a very big part of me will be angry. If it is and its fixed for the same day as my driving test (which he picked for that day because it was a brilliant time of day as well) well, then I have yet more thinking to do. Do I take the test the same week, week before, week after, what? I just dont know! Everything is just so frustrating! Not to mention my sleeping is still up the shit.
I've kind of run out of things to say, which is a first. Oh no, wait I haven't, but it'll wait for another day. Or in about 5 minutes time, whichever I feel like more :)
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
CAR :D
I HAVE A CAR !!!!
Yes, I have a car.
So when I woke up today I felt like shit, to put it mildly. I stayed up last night having another little meltdown with my mum, crying and getting worse and worse, then finally managed to sleep at about 2AM. Then I had to go to the police station for what I thought was just some form signing. Turns out it was a bit more than that. Apparently on the night I had told the doctor something that I hadnt said in my statement, so they needed clarification. I couldnt remember saying it or whether or not it happened, because I've tried to block out what happened quite frankly. So I got upset again and ended up crying but luckily my SOLO is lovely and she told me it doesnt matter, this kind of thing is completely normal and it shouldnt affect the case.
I left, feeling a little bit happier but still pretty damned down, and hopped on a bus. Mum had texted me to say the car would be at her work at 1PM, so on my way I was. I got there only a few minutes before the car and the family friend who was going to look at it and tell us what he thought. We went out and our mate gave the car a good going over, then asked the guy to take him for a drive in it. When they got back our friend basically said "go for it. tidy little run around, good car, no problem" then off he went. The only thing was that the fan belt was apparently worn, so he knocked a tenner off the price for a replacement as it were.
He followed us in mums car home, parked it in mums space and she took him to where he was getting picked up. And thus; I HAVE A CAR!! :D
1.8 litre engine diesel, N reg Peugeot 205 in charcoal grey, with power steering and cd player :) passed its MOT yesterday and taxed til the end of the month :)
All. Mine.
Sticking the L plates on was the MOST fun thing ever.
Now I've got to wait until mum and dad finish work and we'll talk about insurance. My instinct would be to go ahead and take out the insurance with the £600ish quote we found for me on a provisional license for now, and then at least I know its insured and I can drive it without worrying. I know the premium is going to go up when I pass my test, possibly a hell of a lot, but for now I need insurance at least. We'll have the 14 days to cancel it if we decide the policy is a bit shit, and if it goes up too much when I pass we can always cancel the policy and get a new one. For the time being, I just really want it insured so I can drive it without worrying about it being illegal!
So yeah, I HAVE A CAR :D
Probably taking it for a drive later so I'll post some photos then, couldnt get any decent ones earlier because of where its parked.
Yes, I have a car.
So when I woke up today I felt like shit, to put it mildly. I stayed up last night having another little meltdown with my mum, crying and getting worse and worse, then finally managed to sleep at about 2AM. Then I had to go to the police station for what I thought was just some form signing. Turns out it was a bit more than that. Apparently on the night I had told the doctor something that I hadnt said in my statement, so they needed clarification. I couldnt remember saying it or whether or not it happened, because I've tried to block out what happened quite frankly. So I got upset again and ended up crying but luckily my SOLO is lovely and she told me it doesnt matter, this kind of thing is completely normal and it shouldnt affect the case.
I left, feeling a little bit happier but still pretty damned down, and hopped on a bus. Mum had texted me to say the car would be at her work at 1PM, so on my way I was. I got there only a few minutes before the car and the family friend who was going to look at it and tell us what he thought. We went out and our mate gave the car a good going over, then asked the guy to take him for a drive in it. When they got back our friend basically said "go for it. tidy little run around, good car, no problem" then off he went. The only thing was that the fan belt was apparently worn, so he knocked a tenner off the price for a replacement as it were.
He followed us in mums car home, parked it in mums space and she took him to where he was getting picked up. And thus; I HAVE A CAR!! :D
1.8 litre engine diesel, N reg Peugeot 205 in charcoal grey, with power steering and cd player :) passed its MOT yesterday and taxed til the end of the month :)
All. Mine.
Sticking the L plates on was the MOST fun thing ever.
Now I've got to wait until mum and dad finish work and we'll talk about insurance. My instinct would be to go ahead and take out the insurance with the £600ish quote we found for me on a provisional license for now, and then at least I know its insured and I can drive it without worrying. I know the premium is going to go up when I pass my test, possibly a hell of a lot, but for now I need insurance at least. We'll have the 14 days to cancel it if we decide the policy is a bit shit, and if it goes up too much when I pass we can always cancel the policy and get a new one. For the time being, I just really want it insured so I can drive it without worrying about it being illegal!
So yeah, I HAVE A CAR :D
Probably taking it for a drive later so I'll post some photos then, couldnt get any decent ones earlier because of where its parked.
Monday, 13 July 2009
Car postponement.
You know how excited I was about today, Monday right? And you know why yes? Because I was hopefully seeing and maybe buying the car this evening...but no more :( Not that I'm not ever seeing it though :)
Mother rang Mr Mark-the-man-with-'my'-car last night to see what was happening. She told him that we were definately interested and that I was 'champing at the bit' as it were, and would we be able to come see it this evening (Monday). He told us that the car was booked in for its MOT at 2PM today, (Monday) so it would be more than likely that we wouldn't be able to see it, as if it needed any work doing at all it would still be in the garage and it would be a bit more difficult to see it there. That was perfectly understandable, though I was obviously a little disappointed. We also spoke to him about the accelerator pedal that I was only very slightly concerned about, as it was very low. We asked him if that was a standard 'quirk' of the Peugeot 205's of if it was a depressed pedal in this particular car. We'd only seen one other 205 and although the pedal was a bit low it didn't seem quite as low as in the car we're looking at. He said he wasn't sure as to the circumstances of this cars pedal but he'd get the garage to raise it (as long as they could). He seemed pretty sure it wouldn't be a problem. The pedal itself isnt necessarily putting me off the car, but I am a little worried as it sits a fair bit lower than the brake pedal, and even my mum said when she was driving it that sometimes when she went to put her foot on the brake she'd be underneath it, so I'm obviously a little worried that if I needed to stop (and being a not-yet-even-passed-her-test driver, I'm obviously even more nervous) I'd miss the brake pedal or get my foot stuck underneath it and end up in the proverbial shit creek. I'm sure I'd get used to it but it is a slight concern.
Other than the pedal, he reiterated that the car was going to get a proper full on valet, inside and out, the trim around the windows would be sorted out, the sun roof would be fixed (as it wouldn't open when we tried to when we saw it), the front drivers tyre would be changed, even if the MOT garage didn't, as it looked a bit worn, and he'd put a CD player in there :)
So then we asked when would be best to come and see it, and he said he didn't think Tuesday would be a problem. He even said if we liked it we could pay and take it there and then :D So we said we'd ring again Monday evening and find out how the MOT was going/went and go from there. I then rang my brother and asked him for a favour :)
IF we did decide to buy it on Tuesday, we'd have a problem actually getting it home if mum drove us down, as she'd be the only one insured to drive it, so I asked him if he'd be willing to drive mum, dad and I down there so if we did get it, mum could drive it home with me in and dad could go with him. I then suggested mum could drive it to a quiet car park and then I could have a go :) We may also try and find somewhere quiet around where the car already is so I can give it a quick drive, seeing as I'd hate to buy it then find out I hate how it feels to drive.
All in all, I'm pretty damned excited about tomorrow :) my brother's coming round at 3PM and we should hopefully be leaving sometime after 4PM ish.
ROLL THE FUCK ON TUESDAY! :D
Mother rang Mr Mark-the-man-with-'my'-car last night to see what was happening. She told him that we were definately interested and that I was 'champing at the bit' as it were, and would we be able to come see it this evening (Monday). He told us that the car was booked in for its MOT at 2PM today, (Monday) so it would be more than likely that we wouldn't be able to see it, as if it needed any work doing at all it would still be in the garage and it would be a bit more difficult to see it there. That was perfectly understandable, though I was obviously a little disappointed. We also spoke to him about the accelerator pedal that I was only very slightly concerned about, as it was very low. We asked him if that was a standard 'quirk' of the Peugeot 205's of if it was a depressed pedal in this particular car. We'd only seen one other 205 and although the pedal was a bit low it didn't seem quite as low as in the car we're looking at. He said he wasn't sure as to the circumstances of this cars pedal but he'd get the garage to raise it (as long as they could). He seemed pretty sure it wouldn't be a problem. The pedal itself isnt necessarily putting me off the car, but I am a little worried as it sits a fair bit lower than the brake pedal, and even my mum said when she was driving it that sometimes when she went to put her foot on the brake she'd be underneath it, so I'm obviously a little worried that if I needed to stop (and being a not-yet-even-passed-her-test driver, I'm obviously even more nervous) I'd miss the brake pedal or get my foot stuck underneath it and end up in the proverbial shit creek. I'm sure I'd get used to it but it is a slight concern.
Other than the pedal, he reiterated that the car was going to get a proper full on valet, inside and out, the trim around the windows would be sorted out, the sun roof would be fixed (as it wouldn't open when we tried to when we saw it), the front drivers tyre would be changed, even if the MOT garage didn't, as it looked a bit worn, and he'd put a CD player in there :)
So then we asked when would be best to come and see it, and he said he didn't think Tuesday would be a problem. He even said if we liked it we could pay and take it there and then :D So we said we'd ring again Monday evening and find out how the MOT was going/went and go from there. I then rang my brother and asked him for a favour :)
IF we did decide to buy it on Tuesday, we'd have a problem actually getting it home if mum drove us down, as she'd be the only one insured to drive it, so I asked him if he'd be willing to drive mum, dad and I down there so if we did get it, mum could drive it home with me in and dad could go with him. I then suggested mum could drive it to a quiet car park and then I could have a go :) We may also try and find somewhere quiet around where the car already is so I can give it a quick drive, seeing as I'd hate to buy it then find out I hate how it feels to drive.
All in all, I'm pretty damned excited about tomorrow :) my brother's coming round at 3PM and we should hopefully be leaving sometime after 4PM ish.
ROLL THE FUCK ON TUESDAY! :D
Sunday, 12 July 2009
Cars cars cars cars driving cars
I mentioned in my last post that I'd probably be posting quite a long post next about sexuality and friends etc, but as you can tell from the title, this isn't it.
Right now I'm feeling in a good place, for once, so I want to focus on that.
As my Twitter followers will know, I started learning to drive recently. I had started writing a post about how my first lesson went but got a bit bored so left it :) now I've had 5 x 2hr lessons (so 10hrs) and it seems to be going really well I am happy to report. My clutch control is getting better, and after the first ten minutes of each lesson where I come off the clutch a bit too fast my gear changes are pretty damned smooth, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty confident at 3 point turns/turning in the road and my instructor actually said it's quite rare for someone to be as good at it first attempt as I was :) last lesson I started trying the reverse round a corner manouver, and I wasn't quite as good at that but I'll get there. Get a bit confused with my lefts and rights when I'm goig backwards :s
I've also booked my theory test for in a couple of weeks time so the pressure is on! I'm reading the Highway Code every spare minute, taking practice tests and doing practice hazard perception tests on the net, and I'm so keeping up the revision. Both my brother and sister passed their theory tests first time (though it was slightly easier then) so there's a bit of added pressure there, on top of the pressure I'm putting on myself; I so want to drive and do well and get passed quickly.
Now, again as my Twitter followers will know, I also started looking at cars a few months back on the web...more specifically I started looking at VW Camper Vans. Now I have ALWAYS wanted a VW (T2 to be model-specific) so that was my initial object of web searching, but then after much sensible talking with a lot of people I figured having a VW as a first car would be foolish, for many reasons. Firstly, being a new driver would make me more likely to have an accident, and I wouldn't want to fuck up my pride and joy in the first year. Secondly, price wise they are pricey, and THEN there's insurance for those beasts. So I put that dream to bed for now and focussed my desires on a little banger.
My sisters cars have all been bangers, and with the exception of a couple of duds have all been nice cars. And there's just something about an 'old banger' as a first car, like a rite of passage or something. To cut a long story short, after a lot of dissappointments at cars I liked on autotrader having been sold, there was a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I saw a little Peugeot 106 on autotrader and rang the guy selling it only to be once again told it was gone...BUT, he had good news. He'd just got a Peugeot 205 in and would we like to see it? Obviously I jumped at the chance :)
On Friday we went to see it, and I basically fell in love with it :) it's a charcoal grey, 1.7/1.8 diesel, N reg, power steering and being MOT'd on Monday, selling for about £600. Sadly, having not passed my test I couldn't drive it, but mother gave me a handy running commentary of how it drove and said it didn't feel at all a bad little car. The guy selling it said he was getting it MOT'd on Monday and was confident it would barely need anything doing to it, but that he'd change the front drivers tyre as it was looking a bit tired (excuse the pun) get it fully, properly valletted, sort the sun roof out as it was stuck, and put a cd player in there for me! All in all from what we could see it really was in excellent condition, no visible rust and nothing falling off.
We said we'd give him a call on Monday and see how the MOT went and then maybe come and see it again. The other plus is that he hasn't advertised it anywhere at all, he only mentioned it to us as we'd rung about another Peugeot and he'd just had it in.
So off home we went to talk the dreaded first driver expense of...INSURANCE!!!
We got a few quotes that were all £1,300 + and a few around £1,000 before trying gocompare again, and we were amazed. We managed to find a quote that instead of being 2 or 3 times the value of the car, was also around the £600 mark! For a first time driver! On a provisional license! That pretty much sold it to me I must say ;)
Nevertheless, we drove round Exeter today just to see if we could see anything else in our price range and after nearly 6 hours the only thing we'd found was a slightly fading P reg Peugeot 106 in worse nick than the N reg 205! Needless to say, I know what car I want :D
So now I have to wait til Monday to see it again, and I CANNOT WAIT!! A family friend who knows a lot more about motors than we do and who used to give my sisters cars a once over, has agreed to come with us when we see it on Monday/Tuesday to give us a second opinion, which the seller said was more than ok. So all being well, as long as it doesn't come out of it's MOT rather poorly and our motor mate doesn't think it's a shit bag, I may have a car very soon :) and insurance! :D
So yes, I am one rather happy and very excited (but tired) young lady :) and you know what...?
It feels pretty damned good.
Here's hoping it lasts.
Now, to try and get some sleep with the added bonus of a jolly long lie in tomorrow morning...Maybe it'll make Monday come faster!!!!!!
Right now I'm feeling in a good place, for once, so I want to focus on that.
As my Twitter followers will know, I started learning to drive recently. I had started writing a post about how my first lesson went but got a bit bored so left it :) now I've had 5 x 2hr lessons (so 10hrs) and it seems to be going really well I am happy to report. My clutch control is getting better, and after the first ten minutes of each lesson where I come off the clutch a bit too fast my gear changes are pretty damned smooth, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty confident at 3 point turns/turning in the road and my instructor actually said it's quite rare for someone to be as good at it first attempt as I was :) last lesson I started trying the reverse round a corner manouver, and I wasn't quite as good at that but I'll get there. Get a bit confused with my lefts and rights when I'm goig backwards :s
I've also booked my theory test for in a couple of weeks time so the pressure is on! I'm reading the Highway Code every spare minute, taking practice tests and doing practice hazard perception tests on the net, and I'm so keeping up the revision. Both my brother and sister passed their theory tests first time (though it was slightly easier then) so there's a bit of added pressure there, on top of the pressure I'm putting on myself; I so want to drive and do well and get passed quickly.
Now, again as my Twitter followers will know, I also started looking at cars a few months back on the web...more specifically I started looking at VW Camper Vans. Now I have ALWAYS wanted a VW (T2 to be model-specific) so that was my initial object of web searching, but then after much sensible talking with a lot of people I figured having a VW as a first car would be foolish, for many reasons. Firstly, being a new driver would make me more likely to have an accident, and I wouldn't want to fuck up my pride and joy in the first year. Secondly, price wise they are pricey, and THEN there's insurance for those beasts. So I put that dream to bed for now and focussed my desires on a little banger.
My sisters cars have all been bangers, and with the exception of a couple of duds have all been nice cars. And there's just something about an 'old banger' as a first car, like a rite of passage or something. To cut a long story short, after a lot of dissappointments at cars I liked on autotrader having been sold, there was a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I saw a little Peugeot 106 on autotrader and rang the guy selling it only to be once again told it was gone...BUT, he had good news. He'd just got a Peugeot 205 in and would we like to see it? Obviously I jumped at the chance :)
On Friday we went to see it, and I basically fell in love with it :) it's a charcoal grey, 1.7/1.8 diesel, N reg, power steering and being MOT'd on Monday, selling for about £600. Sadly, having not passed my test I couldn't drive it, but mother gave me a handy running commentary of how it drove and said it didn't feel at all a bad little car. The guy selling it said he was getting it MOT'd on Monday and was confident it would barely need anything doing to it, but that he'd change the front drivers tyre as it was looking a bit tired (excuse the pun) get it fully, properly valletted, sort the sun roof out as it was stuck, and put a cd player in there for me! All in all from what we could see it really was in excellent condition, no visible rust and nothing falling off.
We said we'd give him a call on Monday and see how the MOT went and then maybe come and see it again. The other plus is that he hasn't advertised it anywhere at all, he only mentioned it to us as we'd rung about another Peugeot and he'd just had it in.
So off home we went to talk the dreaded first driver expense of...INSURANCE!!!
We got a few quotes that were all £1,300 + and a few around £1,000 before trying gocompare again, and we were amazed. We managed to find a quote that instead of being 2 or 3 times the value of the car, was also around the £600 mark! For a first time driver! On a provisional license! That pretty much sold it to me I must say ;)
Nevertheless, we drove round Exeter today just to see if we could see anything else in our price range and after nearly 6 hours the only thing we'd found was a slightly fading P reg Peugeot 106 in worse nick than the N reg 205! Needless to say, I know what car I want :D
So now I have to wait til Monday to see it again, and I CANNOT WAIT!! A family friend who knows a lot more about motors than we do and who used to give my sisters cars a once over, has agreed to come with us when we see it on Monday/Tuesday to give us a second opinion, which the seller said was more than ok. So all being well, as long as it doesn't come out of it's MOT rather poorly and our motor mate doesn't think it's a shit bag, I may have a car very soon :) and insurance! :D
So yes, I am one rather happy and very excited (but tired) young lady :) and you know what...?
It feels pretty damned good.
Here's hoping it lasts.
Now, to try and get some sleep with the added bonus of a jolly long lie in tomorrow morning...Maybe it'll make Monday come faster!!!!!!
Friday, 26 June 2009
Moving.
Just a relatively sparse post today.
Things seem to be moving along nicely in my world, touch wood. Had my first go in a car on fathers day, I did stall first time :( but second time managed a lap of the car park :D then I broke the car. Well, I didnt, but the problem decided to ruin my driving as I thought I stalled and then the car wouldnt start again. Poor car is still in the garage and having to be transferred to a diesel specialist as our garage is stumped. Poor car.
My provisional licence arrived this week and Im booking a taster lesson asap. By taster I mean I want to find out whether I want to learn intensively or non intensively - I know I want to drive. Quite excited about that! Got a visit from two friendly police officers earlier on today telling me that I need to go to my local police station at 6.30 on Tuesday, which means that chapter will finally be over. A final warning is one step below a caution so thats a piece of marginally good news too.
Bunnies doing well, took them to the vets the other day for a health check and their myxomatosis vaccination and it turns out they may in fact be sisters not brothers! Will keep you posted. They're both developing their personalities and tastes for their favourite plants in the garden that they're not supposed to eat! Little scamps...but they're so cute I cant get mad at them :)
Other than that, just got a few things I want to get done. Here's a rough idea;
Things seem to be moving along nicely in my world, touch wood. Had my first go in a car on fathers day, I did stall first time :( but second time managed a lap of the car park :D then I broke the car. Well, I didnt, but the problem decided to ruin my driving as I thought I stalled and then the car wouldnt start again. Poor car is still in the garage and having to be transferred to a diesel specialist as our garage is stumped. Poor car.
My provisional licence arrived this week and Im booking a taster lesson asap. By taster I mean I want to find out whether I want to learn intensively or non intensively - I know I want to drive. Quite excited about that! Got a visit from two friendly police officers earlier on today telling me that I need to go to my local police station at 6.30 on Tuesday, which means that chapter will finally be over. A final warning is one step below a caution so thats a piece of marginally good news too.
Bunnies doing well, took them to the vets the other day for a health check and their myxomatosis vaccination and it turns out they may in fact be sisters not brothers! Will keep you posted. They're both developing their personalities and tastes for their favourite plants in the garden that they're not supposed to eat! Little scamps...but they're so cute I cant get mad at them :)
Other than that, just got a few things I want to get done. Here's a rough idea;
- get my verse moleskine up to date with stuff I have managed to write
- start on the cahier
- read the huge stack of magazines waiting to be finished/started
- clean up my macs hard drive
- get reading The Unbearable Lightness Of Being and do the college assignment
- sort out my desk drawers and assorted crrraaaaap.
- get writing some more verse! really want to :)
- get new pens :)
So there you have it, my little update for today. Cant really be bothered to go into more detail over everything cos I'm tired lol and, if I'm honest, cant be bothered in the slightest at the moment :)
Oh and by the way, IM MELTING!
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