GTD etc.

A post of abbreviations. That saying is so true - why is abbreviation such a long word?

Anyway, much besides the point.

I've been doing some research into David Allen's 'Getting Things Done' system, and have just ordered his book to see what all the fuss is about. More to the point, I've been researching the GTD-spawned Hipster PDA and all the variations of it, especially those using Moleskines. On the one hand, they're brilliant. On the other hand, they're dead confusing and I'm not sure if I've technically got enough going on in my life to warrant using the system, but I want to, if that makes sense?
I've almost finished the Moleskine I'm on, and the Cahier too, so I'll be due a new notebook, but the problem is I've just ordered a Guildhall notebook and I think I might want to use that one next, so I'll have to wait. I'm not sure which will get here first to be honest, David Allen's book or the notebook, so I'm in a bit of a quandry.

I wont know til I get and read the book if I really need to use the system, or any parts of it like a lot of others, but I also think I do, but am not sure how to apply it to my life just yet.
So I'm annoyed, because believe it or not I like organization and I want a bit more of it in my life right now. So I'm waiting, and thinking, and attempting to sort out whether it'll be right for me.

These are just some of the links I've been checking out as research, to give you an idea of the sort of thing I'm actually on about;

Create a Moleskine PDA: The Student Hack

Hacking a GTD Moleskine

PigPogPDA

The Moleskine Multi-Tab Hack

Pocket Diary Moleskine Hack

Does anyone have any experience with the GTD system or the Hipster PDA?

I'd love to hear from you if you do.

H.x

Plans.

So now I have plans.
After 3 hours in a cafe with my mother, I have plans.
I have plans and a more regimented time table, if you will, in which to do things.
I have goals, and aims. Clear ones.
They

First off: Weight.
I need to start losing on average between 5-7lbs every week for the next 20 weeks for me to feel happy and comfortable, to get back down to my happiest weight.
We're going to plan weekly menus that I will stick to, as well as a slow-but-steadily-increasing exercise plan. I'm starting with 10-15mins every day on our cool little stepper machine thing, (not just a step) then working my way to more time on it per day, as well as weekly badminton with the parent again.

Secondly: Money.
Basically I have a fair sized list of things I want to get/take with me to Australia, as you've seen, and in order to do that, I need money. As I said in my last post, I do have some things I can sell; 2 guitars (NOT my baby though, my electro-acoustic), a keyboard, CD's, a huge box of PC software worth £200 upwards from my uncle (long story - not stolen or pirated though, the real deal) and my old camcorder. But I cant rely on selling things as a source of income, so I need a job. Mum and I worked out that, on the basis of my old job (though obviously anything I earn will be dependant on whatever shifts are available in a new job), if I work 3x a 3hr shift a week (could easily do more) for the next 20 weeks, I can earn £900. Which is for me, a starting point, an aim in terms of income.

Thirdly: College.
In the next 6 months I will have to sit 3 exams, 2 of which are resits. I have a lot of revision to do. For English Literature, I have an essay to write, as well as poetry and drama text revision to do for the exam. As I started a lot of that when I was actually at college full time, I have a lot of notes to draw from.
Politics and Drama are a slightly different matter though as I wasnt at college when the work was being done in preparation for the exams. The politics exam though basically require me to read through the text book, and I have a friend who did the AS last year too that I will soon be asking if she has any notes or practice exam questions etc, especially ones she got marked and did well on so I know what I'm supposed to be doing.
The drama exam is going to be slightly more difficult to prepare for, as I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Again, I will be calling on the assistance of two friends who were in my tutor group to ask them for any notes and exemplar essays they have from last year.
Once I have assembled as much help as possible, the leg work is down to me.

In general, what I need is structure. I need something more regimented to help me get back control of my life, something I've simply not had for the last year. We're planning a weekly menu each week (starting Wednesdays, our 'weigh day') and sticking to it in the form of a laminated sheet on the fridge, and I have a daily plan of activities on another laminate sheet on the fridge too. This all means I have much more structure to my days :)

So yes, this means good news I'm hoping :)

H.x

Script.

Just thinking about how I want to get writing some scripts again, but I can't think of any stories. Even if I could, I don't feel like I've got the time! I've got driving lessons and tomorrow I'm going to see Ice Age 3 with a friend then I've got to go and see another friend in hospital, then I've got more driving lessons and shopping with dad and doing other stuff and at some point I need to sleep! God knows when that'll be though. Well hopefully I'll get writing some scripts at some point soon, there's ideas buzzing round my head but at the moment they're so vague they barely exist, if that makes sense?

I've also been reading back some of the stuff in my moleskine (my verse) and can't help thinking how bloody crapping awful it is. I used to read my stuff back and like it, used to think it was good but now it all seems a bit...shit. I don't like that. Think I'll spend some time over the weekend writing, if I can separate myself from the parents and get some time on my own. Call it homework if you will. But hopefully I'll enjoy it. Think I need to get reading some more poetry/verse to help me write stuff. As I've been reading more novels and watching more films I've felt more of a pang of want for writing books and scripts, so maybe that's the way forwards. Or at least a step in the right direction.

Clash.

Where to start? I have GOT to update this thing more often!

The rabbits are now genderless. That's one way to kick this thing off! First they were both boys, then they were both girls so we booked them in to be spayed. One more sexing before the op, just to check; bloody good job they did because it turns out Yoshi IS a boy. Spud is still definately a little girl apparently. Well, was. Now neither of them have any bits. Having to keep an eye on the wounds and stitches, especially in Spud's case as her op was much more invasive than Yoshi's. Both of them took a bit of time to get back to normal, again Spud more so than Yoshi, but they're both back to their cheeky mischievous selves by now! Possibly the remainder of their hormones as it were, are still kicking around as they're still a little aggressive at the minute, but that should calm down.

I PASSED MY THEORY TEST!
Thinking about it I should have led with that really...hmmm. But yes, I passed. 49/50 on the multiple choice and 62/75 on the hazard perception test, which is a good score I think! That was about the first thing we had to celebrate in a while, so we bought a cake :) with the Stig on it :) seemed appropriate!
My practical driving test has been booked and my instructor told me the date today...the same date as the provisional date for the trial. Great. Another dose of bad luck.

Had my first appointment at CAMHS on Tuesday, after ringing to book an appointment, being told that the earliest they could offer me an appointment was September, and telling them in no uncertain terms that while I appreciate they have waiting lists, I need 'help' soon now. So she pulled some strings and got me an appointment with the case-screening guy which I was pleased about until I actually HAD the appointment. To start with he was nice enough and seemed to listen, but by the end of it I just felt like I really hadn't been listened to properly. All I'd got out of it was him saying he would book an appointment with someone I've already had an appointment with (but it wont be the same obviously, because she works in two departments and this time I see her, it'll be in a different capacity. Sure.) for as soon as possible, which is still likely to be months away. As I say, by the time I left I felt worse than when I'd gone in. I went to CAMHS because I have been worried about my mental health for years now, and over the last 8 months these concerns have got worse. No matter how much I stressed to him that while what had happened to me in January wasn't exactly the most savoury experience, the problems I am now worrying about are NOT because of it, as it were. As I've said to my parents and to him, in most respects I am actually over what happened. I've accepted it wasn't my fault and I'm moving on from it as much as I can ( at least until the trial ), so my mental health problems which are why I was even AT CAMHS and have been worrying about for YEARS are what I need help with. But according to him it sounds like I'm just suffering from 'post-traumatic stress and anxiety'. Yes. Obviously. So apparently a trauma happened years ago that I can't remember that has resulted in me feeling like I'm going crazy. Fuck off.

That debacle and the whole driving-test-on-the-same-day-as-the-provisional-trial-date has only left me with a sense of despair to be honest. Despair at the system, the fucked up system. The legal system where it takes 8 months to even get a provisional trial date, 8 months to get a possible date to try and prosecute this bastard. 8 months of waiting, of not being told what's going on, of not knowing. Despair. Despair at a system where someone who has concerns over their mental health, and has done for years, someone your system is 'aware' of, who 'meets your criteria' for help, yet is pushed from pillar to post, person to person, department to department, never getting the help and need. Is it any wonder that people disappear, or worse, when the system fails them so utterly and repeatedly? I was prosecuted for a lesser crime and that took no time at all, yet I've got this suffocating shadow of a trial constantly over me, its at the back of my mind yes, as much as I can keep it there, but each time it creeps forwards I just cant take it. Yes, I am 'over' what happened in some sense. But that doesnt mean I'm particularly relishing the thought of standing in the same room as him, answering questions, hearing his lies and watching my friends no doubt get a grilling. But I have to wait, dont I. I have to suffer even more, never able to fully move on until after the trial, but never knowing for definate when it'll be.

But that's the system isn't it? The ones who need help, the ones who are the 'victims' if you like, are the ones who are failed. Time is on his side, in a way. He gets longer to decide how to try and make me look like a liar, drags it out. And in terms of CAMHS, well, what are they playing at. Another system that's failing people. I just dont know what to do about this whole situation.

All I know is that there is a Plea Case Management Hearing this Friday where the trial date SHOULD be fixed. If it isn't I think a very big part of me will be angry. If it is and its fixed for the same day as my driving test (which he picked for that day because it was a brilliant time of day as well) well, then I have yet more thinking to do. Do I take the test the same week, week before, week after, what? I just dont know! Everything is just so frustrating! Not to mention my sleeping is still up the shit.

I've kind of run out of things to say, which is a first. Oh no, wait I haven't, but it'll wait for another day. Or in about 5 minutes time, whichever I feel like more :)

Cars cars cars cars driving cars

I mentioned in my last post that I'd probably be posting quite a long post next about sexuality and friends etc, but as you can tell from the title, this isn't it.

Right now I'm feeling in a good place, for once, so I want to focus on that.

As my Twitter followers will know, I started learning to drive recently. I had started writing a post about how my first lesson went but got a bit bored so left it :) now I've had 5 x 2hr lessons (so 10hrs) and it seems to be going really well I am happy to report. My clutch control is getting better, and after the first ten minutes of each lesson where I come off the clutch a bit too fast my gear changes are pretty damned smooth, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty confident at 3 point turns/turning in the road and my instructor actually said it's quite rare for someone to be as good at it first attempt as I was :) last lesson I started trying the reverse round a corner manouver, and I wasn't quite as good at that but I'll get there. Get a bit confused with my lefts and rights when I'm goig backwards :s
I've also booked my theory test for in a couple of weeks time so the pressure is on! I'm reading the Highway Code every spare minute, taking practice tests and doing practice hazard perception tests on the net, and I'm so keeping up the revision. Both my brother and sister passed their theory tests first time (though it was slightly easier then) so there's a bit of added pressure there, on top of the pressure I'm putting on myself; I so want to drive and do well and get passed quickly.

Now, again as my Twitter followers will know, I also started looking at cars a few months back on the web...more specifically I started looking at VW Camper Vans. Now I have ALWAYS wanted a VW (T2 to be model-specific) so that was my initial object of web searching, but then after much sensible talking with a lot of people I figured having a VW as a first car would be foolish, for many reasons. Firstly, being a new driver would make me more likely to have an accident, and I wouldn't want to fuck up my pride and joy in the first year. Secondly, price wise they are pricey, and THEN there's insurance for those beasts. So I put that dream to bed for now and focussed my desires on a little banger.

My sisters cars have all been bangers, and with the exception of a couple of duds have all been nice cars. And there's just something about an 'old banger' as a first car, like a rite of passage or something. To cut a long story short, after a lot of dissappointments at cars I liked on autotrader having been sold, there was a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I saw a little Peugeot 106 on autotrader and rang the guy selling it only to be once again told it was gone...BUT, he had good news. He'd just got a Peugeot 205 in and would we like to see it? Obviously I jumped at the chance :)
On Friday we went to see it, and I basically fell in love with it :) it's a charcoal grey, 1.7/1.8 diesel, N reg, power steering and being MOT'd on Monday, selling for about £600. Sadly, having not passed my test I couldn't drive it, but mother gave me a handy running commentary of how it drove and said it didn't feel at all a bad little car. The guy selling it said he was getting it MOT'd on Monday and was confident it would barely need anything doing to it, but that he'd change the front drivers tyre as it was looking a bit tired (excuse the pun) get it fully, properly valletted, sort the sun roof out as it was stuck, and put a cd player in there for me! All in all from what we could see it really was in excellent condition, no visible rust and nothing falling off.
We said we'd give him a call on Monday and see how the MOT went and then maybe come and see it again. The other plus is that he hasn't advertised it anywhere at all, he only mentioned it to us as we'd rung about another Peugeot and he'd just had it in.
So off home we went to talk the dreaded first driver expense of...INSURANCE!!!
We got a few quotes that were all £1,300 + and a few around £1,000 before trying gocompare again, and we were amazed. We managed to find a quote that instead of being 2 or 3 times the value of the car, was also around the £600 mark! For a first time driver! On a provisional license! That pretty much sold it to me I must say ;)

Nevertheless, we drove round Exeter today just to see if we could see anything else in our price range and after nearly 6 hours the only thing we'd found was a slightly fading P reg Peugeot 106 in worse nick than the N reg 205! Needless to say, I know what car I want :D

So now I have to wait til Monday to see it again, and I CANNOT WAIT!! A family friend who knows a lot more about motors than we do and who used to give my sisters cars a once over, has agreed to come with us when we see it on Monday/Tuesday to give us a second opinion, which the seller said was more than ok. So all being well, as long as it doesn't come out of it's MOT rather poorly and our motor mate doesn't think it's a shit bag, I may have a car very soon :) and insurance! :D

So yes, I am one rather happy and very excited (but tired) young lady :) and you know what...?

It feels pretty damned good.
Here's hoping it lasts.

Now, to try and get some sleep with the added bonus of a jolly long lie in tomorrow morning...Maybe it'll make Monday come faster!!!!!!

Final warning; Chapter closed...

...but to be revisited at some point in the future.

Care to explain? Of course.
So this evening I went to my local police station to receive my final warning. All in all it went ok. The sargeant or whoever he was, was a very nice man who seemed fairly sympathetic to my situation, and the seemingly random woman in the corner (who turned out to be from the Youth Offending Team) was equally so. He admitted that initially, upon reading the case notes and statements from the bouncers etc, he was all ready to get me banned from al pubs and clubs in Exeter, but that after reading the background and talking to me, he realised that really wasn't necessary. Something to be thankful for. He did what I presume is the usual "what have you learnt from this?" things, and spoke about how important it is that I learn to balance my medication with alcohol etc. But in general he seemed to understand why what had happened had happened, and expressed his sympathies for the shit life's thrown at me recently.

Then he threw a little curve ball at me.


He first explained that a final warning is basically a "does what it says on the tin" jobby, in that if I get into any more trouble with the police, it'll be a caution and/or prosecution. Then he asked me what I wanted to do in my future life, career wise. I was a little confused but not overly worried, so told him that one of my passions has always been teaching, so that'd be something I'd want to persue in the future.

Upon my saying the word "teaching" he gave the YOT rep a little look. Ah. A problem.

Basically, long story short when it comes to a final warning, although it is not a criminal record and so when applying for normal jobs I wont have to tick "yes" to the criminal question, it is the kind of information still held on me. So when I apply for any job that calls for an extended CRB check, (eg teaching) then it will be available to the employer. I was advised by the YOT rep that in such a case, its much better to 'own up' as it were, tell them before they ask you why you were hiding it when they do a check, and then I'm more than likely to get a chance to explain the situation and how/why it happened. The fact that it happened when I was 17, following another trauma, was basically a case of self-defense that went a little too far and that it was classed as common assault (the lowest form of assault), meant that the sargeant was inclined to think that it would be surprising if an employer were not to act sympathetically about it. Talking to my dad too, he told me that people have got jobs as a teacher with much worse on their records, so I probably shouldn't be too worried. Although that may be the case, there is obviously a part of me that is upset by that revelation. It just feels like one more thing that could possibly affect my future, and that makes me a bit angry as well as sad.

But that aside, that chapter is closed. The 'to be revisited in the future' of this blog title obviously refers to the fact that the warning could crop up on an extended CRB check. But the chapter is closed.

Now for the rest of the fucking book...

UCAS - Yesterday.

Yesterdays picture (apologies for the lateness, was too tired last night) is not too exciting on the face of it; a stack of all the prospectuses/prospecti I gathered throughout the course of the UCAS convention yesterday.

So the UCAS convention; wares were flaunted, incentives were waved and various 'We're better than they are' speeches were paddled; all in all, quite an enjoyable day. The bottom 9 or 10 prospectuses are the 9 or 10 Uni's that I took a liking to within the short time of the convention, and the top half are those that didn't look quite as exciting for me and the course I want to do. However, last night after the convention I made the mistake of looking at the University League Tables and saw that most of the ones I had been looking at were quite low down. Now I know that shouldnt matter, a degree's a degree after all, but as a naturally competitive person I am bound to feel a bit confused. "lol"

But I do still have quite a while to think about it, so I don't need to get myself too worried about it. If any of you have any University recommendations or 'dont-go-there's then please feel free to let me know :) All thats left for me to say now is, Happy Weekend!

EDIT: Just realised, this photo is technically not for yesterday as you had one then too :)

Insomnia, again.

It just gets later and later doesn't it? Or earlier and earlier, depends how you see it I suppose; the time at which I get to sleep. I am still awake at this time. I have to be up at 10 (not that painfully early I know) to get ready for a UCAS convention where I will have to browse for hours all the different Universities vying for my attention and money. Fortunately I have done a bit of research into which Uni's do the kinds of courses I'm interested in, so I won't be stumbling as blindly as some I know. Ok, I'm going to try this sleep malarky again now. Oh yeah, and there's your photo for today too. Only kidding, I'm sure I'll find something interesting to snap during the day proper.

Day.

By my logic you've already had your photo for today, so you can go whistle if you think this post is going to contain anything for you to look at. I'm up and livejournal-ing again as of...the other day or somewhen, have posted some actual 'poetry' today, not too pleased with it but something told me that I just need to start posting again, maybe then things will start coming back to me. Since I started this blog, I've been debating whether or not to cross-post any of my 'poetic' offerings here as well as over on lj, and I'm now thinking that once I get going I will probably bring a few over here too.

Still not really had any luck breaking the writers block today, and it is starting to get me down. I have two quite important deadlines that have already been extended, and are looming once more and now I'm so afraid I won't meet them and I'll end up having to repeat this year at college. But I am trying to remain positive and focused, trying to not let this beat me.

Tomorrow I am off to a UCAS event, where hundreds of Universities will be displaying their wares and attempting to seduce me with their prospecti...I'm kind of nervous about it, because, as I have mentioned in previous posts, I'm feeling more than a little unsure of my future at this stage in my life, and tomorrow will either reinforce that insecurity, or cure it. I know which one I'm hopnig for.

20 slow - I froze today.

So today was not the best of days. After my mini breakdown last night. As my entries and twittering from last night would have shown to all who saw them, I spent my evening panicking about a 2250 word essay I had to write for today, and subsequently suffered huge writers block.

Now you may think; writers block, everyone gets that from time to time, its certainly nothing to get so worked up about - this is where I would scream. I have never suffered from writers block before, or if I have it has lasted so short I time I have not even noticed it. This is different. I have always been able to write. I'm the kind of person who could leave an essay til the night before and still churn out something to rival that of someone who has spent weeks on it, I've always been able to do that. I've always been able to call upon my writing ability, but recently that ability has disappeared. So yes, last night I had a bit of a breakdown. Everything has been building up and the fact I couldn't write again just freaked me out. An extension for the essay has since been arranged.

After that exhausting night, where I still didn't manage to get to sleep until around 4am despite not having to stay up to write the bloody essay anymore, I took the morning off college and went in for 12.20 for a one-to-one tutorial with my oh-so-lovely-and-supportive-of-my-current-situation English Lit lecturer. Prior to my meeting with her my parents had been in touch with her to ask her (from her Deputy Head of English Department position) to speak with the lecturer of the other English (Language) to arrange said extension. Here I spoke to her about what had happened the night before and explained that when faced with having to write 'creatively' or 'at all', I literally freeze. She empathized and told me it will get easier.

2 hours later I was back in her classroom for the usual English Lit lecture. 45 minutes in she asks us all to spend 10 minutes on a creative task. I freeze. My mind goes as blank as the page in front of me. I start getting worked up. As she wanders round the class checking on people she sees me panicking a bit and asks me if I'm struggling. I tell her in no uncertain terms I am. She tells me to breathe. I try that but unfortunately I still can't write anything. I ask her if I can take a minute out. She'd said in previous meetings with her I always could if I needed to, so she said of course and I practically ran out of the classroom, down the hall and sat down in front of a radiator.

Of course she came to check on me a few minutes later and proceeded to apologise for setting a creative writing task after I'd told her it makes me freeze. I mean, how lovely is she? I wouldn't have expected her to change her lesson plan for me at all! She told me just to take another few minutes then come back in when we'd be reading through some other stuff. I kept apologising and got quite upset and angry and I think that honestly surprised her, seeing me like that. So all in all, not the best of days. I've just got to keep hoping this will all get easier, and got to keep trying to get through this. "Some days are harder than others"; that's what I would have said a month ago - now, most days are horrible.

On a photo note; 2 for today, both taken after the one-to-one whilst having a cigarette. I love the first one so much, I have no idea why. It was an accidental photo really, but I'm glad it happened as I find there's something cute about the little leaf. The second just about sums up the speed I'd give anything to be going at, 'cos right now, I feel like I've ground to a halt!

I'm becoming stupid.

Brick wall - meet my head; it would like to smack itself repeatedly against your hard grainy surface for a while, if you wouldn't mind?

The problem is this; I used to be clever. I used to be able to write at short notice. If I had an essay that I'd left to the last minute eg the day before (as is usually the case) I used to be able to whack one out (an essay that is) the night before, that would still be of a better standard than that of fellow classmates who'd have spent weeks on the thing. This isn't me bragging, this is just stating fact. Now, however, it seems to be a very different story.

I have 2 essays that need to be handed in tomorrow - not first drafts, not second drafts; the final things. One has to be a short story or extract from a short story equally 1500-1700 words, based on or inspired by the story or style of another authors book. The second is an accompanying 750-800 analysis of said short story, discussing why I have used the style I have, what inspired this what inspired this and so on.

Now, the short story I wrote months ago. Last year, I think it was. Before I'd finished the last essay for this subject. The only problem was that it was 3000 words; twice as long as it needs to be. I therefore had about 2 months to choose the best parts of the story and write an analysis on it. The problem now is part of my bigger problem.

A) I have read no book that could possibly have inspired this tale, and cannot find, buy and read one in 5 minutes. B) I physically cannot write anything. I had decided a better plan at this short notice would be to just write a new story based on a book I know better and an analysis off the back of that, but now I cannot find a book I feel I know well enough, and the three books I've found to 'choose from' are yeilding no inspiration whatsoever.

This is my future here. My AS English Language level is literally being washed down the drain before my very eyes, and I feel utterly powerless to stop it. I didn't think it would ever come to this. Complete and utter writers block that I really am scared I won't be able to get past. I'm failing, and it scares me. This is what I love isnt it? Writing? Where did the optimism of yesterday go? Confronted with the actual necessity to write something, I freeze. I am frozen in a state of mind where nothing is possible, and everything is falling away.

This is not me. At least, it shouldn't be.
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

Snowy lights.

Now I'm not a photographic whizkid by any stretch of the imagination, but I took this photo during the recent snowfall and I liked it, but as it was taken with the less-than-brilliant iPhone camera, it lacks in quality. Therefore I popped it onto iPhoto and had a little play. Some of the edits I quite liked so I thought I'd whack my favourite one up here.

I played with contrast, saturation, sharpness, temperature and highlights :) whatever that means?

EDIT 11/03/09: I'm pretty sure this might be my favourite photo I've ever taken. No idea why; technically, it's rubbish, but there's something about it I love.

EDIT 16/03/09: I'm still bloody proud of this. I keep on scrolling down to it whenever I'm on my blog page. How bizarre.