So it's 03.49 by my phone as I start writing this, as I finally get to bed. The reason for my late bed time is a good heartfelt chat with my mother. Somehow we always end up having these big talks were I pour my heart out in the small hours. Not had so many recently, and with things being so strained at home over the last few days it was good to bond again. It started off talking about driving, with us both sat on the sofa and mum teaching me how to drive :) you see, I sent off for my provisional liscence the other day and on fathers day mum has said I can drive her car :) god knows how we got from that to me talking about how shit I feel, crying lots and then crying some more over my friends.
Basically at the end of it all, my mum spoke wisely; (Not that she didn't throughout the chat) I need help. Professional help. There's so many unaddressed issues I need to deal with and I can't start to heal and move on with my life unless I do.
And then she said something that I thought would upset me, but didn't. "If it came to it, and if it's possible, do you think going away somewhere for a month or so would help?" Admittedly yes at first I thought she was suggesting a holiday, but then realised what she meant. She tried to sweeten it but basically she meant would I be up for something like rehab, or a retreat somewhere with the right kind of psychological help on tap 24/7 and the right kind of facilities, if I thought it would help or would be worth a shot.
And the funny thing is, the more I think about it, the more ok that sounds. Sure, I don't want to be a 'nutter' but if it would help then surely it's worth a try? Certainly, at the minute I'm definately not getting the right support I need, and being at home not feeling able to leave the house, and being so close to everything and everyone that's added to my problems over the years, isn't doing my any good. So maybe getting away for a while would be the right thing for me. Definately worth a think, right?
But right now I need to cut this short and dead and get some sleep. Which should be easier said than done with all the bloody morning birds outside twittering and twatting around.
Morning all. Wake well.