Monday, 13 September 2010

To the brink.

Just for a change, this ain't some happy shit.

Have you ever been so unsure of yourself and how you're feeling, that it feels like your brains are pouring out of your fucking ears?
Thats where I'm at now.
Plus I'm starting college again on Tuesday, and all the old worries I thought I'd put down for a while are flooding back. It's mainly my weight that's the issue, having not lost as much by now as I'd (unrealistically) hoped I would. It fuels my already raging paranoia which is always helpful.
Cos you can never be too paranoid, of course.
On top of that is the fear of failing, of making an ass of myself, of not coping with the work load, of being shit at it all etc.
It's the whole being left behind by everyone thats the problem. It's not just my old mates that are leaving me behind, it's life.
My head is burning, and if I'm totally honest, I'm this close to cutting again.
Not what I'd call a fresh start at all.

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