Birthday's and bail.

Ok so now it's about time.
As some of you will be aware I recently celebrated my birthday, (though I use term 'celebrated' loosely) and it ended a little unsatisfactorily [sic] with me being arrested.
The next day when I tweeted about it I understandably received a lot of questions, all roughly along the lines of 'What Theee Fuck'. And I decided I'd answer. Because today I make bail.


Basically on my birthday I went drinking down at a local pub with a load of friends, then 3 of us moved on into town and went to a club. Ironically enough I was let in for free and given a free shot cos it was my birthday! We weren't in there for long and then everything kicked off. Now something you have to understand is that after the events of new years eve I hate anybody touching me, unwanted or unexpected physical contact freaks me out now. I hate that I hate it but thats the way it is. On that night (ny) I didn't fight back as much as I should have, I was too scared and I couldn't. So on my birthday, this is what happened.

Yes, I was drunk, it was my birthday and I'd been drinking since 12 pm steadily, but I wasn't wankered. One of the friends I was with was staying at my house and the other lived nearby so we were giving him a lift home, and I got a text from my dad at about 12/1am saying him and mum were outside. I found the friends and we began to leave. I got a cigarette out and had it in one hand and my lighter in the other ready to light it as soon as I got outside and all of a sudden -WHAM.

Something slammed into me out of nowhere and pushed me against the wall. "You're leaving!" shouted a womans voice in my ear. This I knew very well, seeing as I was on my way out, and I told her so. "Yes I am, the exit's that way." I went to carry on in the direction of the door when I was pushed again. Something kicked in and I pushed back. Then it all happened so fast. There was hair pulling on both parts, then there were arms holding mine behind my back and an arm across my neck and face, so I bit down hard. I remember going to leave again and a guy stopped me saying "You just assualted one of my bar staff." and I replied along the lines of "Oh yeah of course you'd believe her she works here. I'm just someone who comes and spends all her money here!" Then I got angry again and the next thing I know hands are all over me and I'm being pushed against a wall. I'm growling and screaming an someone kicks the backs of my legs to get me to the ground. I'm on the floor and pushed right up against the wall, my arms held behind my back and my face against the wall. Suddenly I can hear my dad and he's trying to get these bouncers off of me because he knows how I can't stand people touching me. I remember being pretty much in hysterics and shouting about what happened at NY's and the air was blue with my language. I kept shouting how if they just got off me I'd stay still and do whatever but they pushed me into the floor even more. Next thing I know, I try pulling my hands free once more and experience blinding pain in my wrists as I realize I've been handcuffed. Then I'm dragged to my feet and feel my trousers falling down. I beg the police officers to let me pull them up but they don't. "it's your fathers hands that are on you." they say as my trousers are pulled up. Im then carried off like an animal and thrown in the back of a riot van. On the way to the van I can hear my dad pleading with them, and see a brief flash of my mother being pushed aside as she tries to get to me.

At the station the woman on the desk is a right hard faced bitch. She tells me to take off my jacket and sweatband, put my arms out on the desk and asks me "Have you ever tried to hurt yourself or done so?" I look at my clearly visible scars and say "What do you think." So I have to take my belt off. And empty my pockets of everything which is when I realise my phone has gone missing. I turn and ask the female officer who brought me in if she can get R*****, the officer in charge of my other case. She tells me to take off my shoes.

I'm taken to a cell and I sit on the floor crying and for some reason, praying out loud. At one point I ask God if he's punishing me for being gay, and tell him I'll be straight if he just makes everything stop.
After a while I climb onto the hard bed and try to sleep. 2 minutes later I throw up over the side of the bed and pretty much pass out.

Sometime the next day I meet with the solicitor, am questioned, have finger prints and mug shots taken and then I'm taken back to my cell. The vomit is still there.

Eventually, at what turns out to be 5pm (I was questioned at 11 and told it shouldn't be too much longer before I can go home) I'm released. Everything is given back to me including, (and I found this odd) the two pieces of ID that weren't mine. My parents are there, hug me and take me home.

Since then, my parents have said they're not angry with me, they understand, and more than anything they're worried this is going to send me backwards in my recovery as it were.

Now I'm on my way to the police station to answer bail. I've been told that it's more than likely I'll just be given a caution, due to the fact that this is my first offence, my age and other circumstances. If I am given a caution, I've been told to accept it. If this is the case, there will be a part of me that wants to fight this. I have always had a very high sense of injustice and it has kicked in over all this. I accept I did wrong but not that it was unprovoked and started by me, so I may have to swallow what remaining pride I have left in my life and take it. At least that way this latest fuck up in my life will be over.
We shall have to see.

I've left out a lot of what I want to say but I've said a lot that I needed to say too. I expect I'll be posting again this evening with what happens at the police station.